Arwin pulled the door open.
“Hello. You must be Ifrit,” Madiv said, tiling his head back to make eye contact with Arwin and giving him a flat-lipped smile. His motions were so similar to the ones he’d done the first time Arwin had opened the door that they had to have been rehearsed.”
“Ah… yes. I am,” Arwin said.
They stared at each other for a second. Arwin coughed into a fist. Their first interaction had been a little awkward, but this was painful. It hadn’t been quite as obvious that Madiv had rehearsed everything the previous time.
“So… what are you here for?” Arwin asked, trying to give the merchant a way to steer the conversation back on track.
“You know what I’m here for.”
“We’re pretending that I don’t. The whole point of this is to see if you can sell to a random human.”
Madiv’s features flattened. “Ah. Can we do this again?”
“I am thrilled to see our future unfold together,” Madiv said with a ghastly smile. He paused for a moment, still not having released Arwin’s hand, then tilted his head to the side. “Now, would you inform me what Ivorin is?”
They stared at each other. Madiv’s face didn’t even so much as twitch. He was serious. Arwin’s shoulders slumped and he sank back into his chair. “How can you agree to source something when you don’t even know what it is? How do you know I didn’t scam you?”
“You are the Queen’s ser — ah, consort. You would not lie in her presence.”
“That wasn’t part of the bloody practice,” Arwin said. “You can’t just rely on that. Also, there is absolutely nothing that stops me from lying. I didn’t, but you won’t know that to be the case with others.”
Madiv’s jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed in anger. “This is exactly the reason I dislike dealing with your kind. Everything is about who can cheat the other better. There is a distinct lack of honor.”
“Stupidity isn’t the same thing as lack of honor,” Arwin said. “It barely feels like you’re even trying to get a good deal. Have you seriously been acting as a merchant for years? What do you normally deal in?”
“Whatever needs dealing. I acquire directives from my clients and have teams of adventurers source the items I need. It is an efficient strategy.”
Ah. So that’s how Oddjobs comes into the picture. They’re one of the groups that he uses to get items without knowing what he’s actually selling. I suppose that works, but it’s a really odd way to go about it.
“And how do you avoid getting scammed? What if I’d told you that I’d buy Ivorin for five gold and you approved of it?”
“I would deliver the item as promised,” Madiv said with a smug expression. “And then I would kill you for your falsehoods.”
“And how many people have you done that to?”
“I have not kept track.”
Great. He’s just a literal murderer. Wait. How does he know if he’s been scammed, though? If he never figures out the price of the item, is he just guessing if people lie to him or not?
“How many people have you killed?” Arwin asked.
Madiv cleared his throat and looked away. “I do not see how this is relevant to our exercise. The only goal was to see if we could conduct business. We did. It went well.”
“It went horribly,” Arwin corrected. “Now answer the question. How many people have you killed?”
“Hundreds.” Something about his voice was off. It was almost embarrassed. Arwin’s eyes narrowed.
“And how many of them died because they scammed you rather than due to the war?”
Madiv’s eye twitched. He’d hit the nail on the head. The vampire reached up to scratch at his nose and mumbled an answer into his palm. When he realized that Arwin was still staring at him and waiting for a response, he let out an exasperated huff and threw his hands up.
“None. I don’t know when I’ve been scammed, you damn human. How would I know? But if I did get scammed, I am certain I would kill whoever drew my ire.”
“What’s the blood on your chest actually from?” Arwin asked.
Madiv’s jaw clenched shut and he turned away.
“Answer him,” Lillia said.
The vampire’s expression crumpled, but his devotion to Lillia proved to beat out any reluctance he had. “It’s not blood. I didn’t kill anyone.”
“What is it, then?” Arwin asked.
“It’s tomato paste,” Madiv said wearily. “I was eating a wrapped sausage and it slipped out of my hands. When I tried to grab it, the sauce squirted out of it and onto my clothes. I didn’t have time to clean it up before I arrived.”
Arwin burst into laughter. He couldn’t help himself. Madiv’s glare bored into his skull, but the vampire could do nothing but watch if he wanted to avoid drawing Lillia’s ire. “Why the hell didn’t you just say that?”
“People do not respect dropping sausages. They respect power.”
“So you thought insinuating you’d killed someone would somehow endear me to you?” Arwin asked in disbelief. “You’re trying to sell to me, not get hired as a mercenary. You should have just told the truth. It would have been a better opener.”
“I do not understand. The truth exposes weakness.”
“The truth makes you relatable,” Arwin corrected. He shook his head, then rose to his feet. He tapped a finger against a streak of ivory metal running through his chestplate. “This metal is Ivorin.”
Madiv leaned forward to peer at the armor, then lowered himself back into his chair. “Why do you show me this? Our exercise was purely theoretical.”
“Who said that? I don’t recall Lillia claiming it would be fake. She told you to show her how you deal with your normal customers. If you want to live up to her expectations, then get that Ivorin.”
Madiv studied Arwin for a few seconds. He turned to Lillia, who nodded to back up Arwin’s claim. The vampire let out a slow sigh and stood.
“Very well. I will acquire this Ivorin… for Lillian’s sake.”
“Lillia,” Lillia corrected.
“For her sake. I will not refuse an order.” Madiv proclaimed. He then leaned in closer to Arwin and lowered his voice. “Am I truly that foul at this?”
“Yes,” Arwin said. “I don’t think you could sell a piece of candy to a child. That’s probably for the best, though. You shouldn’t go anywhere near them until you figure out how to speak to people normally.”
“There’s something wrong with the way I speak?” Madiv genuinely sounded baffled. “I honed my tongue to be eloquent so as to blend in amongst nobility. Ah — I see. You are not nobility. Your sensibilities are of a baser sort.”
“Literally everyone you’re going to be speaking to in this town is going to be relatively normal. And you’re a merchant. Why would you speak like a noble?”
“You should emulate those who you desire to be.”
“You want to be a noble?”
“I want to be rich,” Madiv said. He hesitated for a moment, then sighed and lowered his voice even further. “Will you teach me? I do not wish to disappoint my Queen. I wish to be able to serve her to the best of my ability. If there is flaw in how I handle myself, I will bring her great shame.”
Arwin blinked. Then he sighed. “I’m no merchant… but I think I know someone who could help you so long as you agree to be polite.”
“I will do what is necessary in order to please my Queen.”