Arwin couldn’t bring himself to say something on the spot. Any words that may have been prepared to slip from between his lips would have been ones that hadn’t had time to properly mull over the gravity of the story that Rodrick and Anna had just told them.
Nobody said a word for several long seconds. Tension and unease weighed down on the room like anchors on every single one of their backs. There was a part of Arwin that wanted to dismiss the story outright — to say that he didn’t care who Rodrick and Anna had once been. To say that the only thing that mattered was who they were now.
That part of him was wrong. He and Lillia knew more than anyone that they couldn’t dismiss their past. They couldn’t just pretend it didn’t exist. It would have been wrong, not just to the people that had fallen at their hand, but to themselves. Ignoring a problem did not make it go away. It would have been a disservice to Anna.
But what a problem this was. A child had every right to live — but did they have the right to kill? Arwin wasn’t so sure he knew the answer. He wasn’t so sure there was an answer. Anna had known what she was doing, but she’d been manipulated into doing it, at least to a degree.
Anna might have done wrong in the past, but you can’t right wrong with more wrong. It’s evident that she regrets her past and wants to right those wrongs. How hypocritical would I be if I told her to leave? She may not have the same past as Lillia and I, but she wants the same future.
As Arwin opened his mouth to try and say something to split the thickening air, he found that someone else beat him to the punch. It was Madiv who finally broke the silence.
“It is the basest desire of any being to live,” Madiv said. “It is more than a desire. It is a right. A right that Anna both indulged in and took from others. When a predator kills its prey, has it done wrong?”
“That isn’t the same thing,” Anna said, her hands clenched and her voice stiff. “I am not asking you to cover for me. We didn’t tell you this to get pity. I am—”
“Awaiting judgement. You requested our thoughts, but you do not want to hear them,” Madiv said sharply. His tone carried the weight of a mountain, spoken like they had been barked from the mouth of an old, grizzled commander rather than the prim and proper vampire.
Anna didn’t respond instantly. She swallowed and managed to find her words, but her voice faltered as she spoke. “Nine.”
“Nine,” Olive repeated. “Reya, what were you doing when you were nine?”
Reya tilted her head to the side for a moment. “It depends what part of that year we’re talking about. I think I lived alone for the most part, but I recall being part of a gang for a little while. I didn’t last long. They wanted me to help them stick someone, but I stuck one of them on accident.”
“Okay, forgot you’ve got a whole lot more shit than you let on. Maybe you weren’t the best example of this,” Olive muttered. She glanced at Arwin, then over to Lillia. Her eye twitched. “Godspit. Every single one of you is messed in the head. I forgot.”
Anna, midway through a sniffle, snorted. She doubled over in a coughing fit as she choked and Rodrick clapped her on the back, an appreciative look flickering over his features before he wiped it clean. Anna kept her face buried in her sleeve as she coughed. She managed to gather herself and tried to wipe the moisture from her features.
“I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to break down .” Anna’s voice was muffled behind her hands. “This wasn’t how I wanted to broach this. It just all came back so fast.”
“We killed a few assholes,” Rodrick put in helpfully as he rubbed Anna’s back. “They had it coming, for the record. Anna’s not in shape to say it, but I am. Thank you. We’ve come to love it here. If there’s any future for us, we’d like to find it among you all.”
“I think there are worse places to try and make up for past mistakes from,” Arwin said gently. “I can’t absolve anyone from their history, but I think the only steps anyone can take toward righting past mistakes is making a better tomorrow.”
The rest of the Menagerie all nodded. The tenson in the air faded as Anna tried and failed to muffle her tears. Everyone did their absolute best to pretend they couldn’t hear it. Words were only that. Words. They couldn’t truly fix anything, but it was all any of them could offer — and hopefully, they would be enough.
They were all silent for several seconds.
Then Reya cleared her throat.
“Not to infringe on the moment — I completely agree with everything Arwin said, by the way — but who exactly did you guys kill?”
“Ah,” Rodrick said. “That would have been a few Falling Blades. Melissa headed out to get her Milten estate back and we decided to go give her a little help. She won, by the way.”
“She did? Wait. How did you know the assassins came for her?” Arwin asked, blinking in surprise. “When did that even happen?”
“I… may have slightly underplayed the extent of my information gathering network.”
“Network? I thought you were just talking to people,” Arwin said, looking from Anna to Rodrick. “In the spirit of being open with each other, care to elaborate?”
Rodrick winced. Then he let out a sigh. “This might take a while.”
“Then it’s a good thing you aren’t going anywhere,” Lillia said.
Anna let out a weak laugh and finally managed to pull her head from within her sleeves, her eyes slightly bloodshot and the tip of her nose tinged red. “Thank you. All of you. I need some time to think, but I’ll give you all a proper response later. I promise. And Rodrick, talk fast. Who knows how long Esmerelda is going to keep Wallace busy.”
“You left Wallace with Esmerelda?” Arwin asked.
“One catastrophe at a time, please,” Rodrick said. “I’m sure Esmerelda will be fine. It’s Wallace’s ears I’m more worried about. Now, do you want to hear my bit or not?”