Cutter’s house was empty when Ru arrived back, and she noticed his parents’ and Cinder’s vehicles were gone. Assuming they’d all gone out somewhere together, she’d tried the doorknob and been relieved they’d left it unlocked. She assumed they rarely went to the trouble to barricade the doors in these parts. Piper took to the stairs as soon as they met them, and Ru thought she might be retreating to the comfort of her own area for a while. Her own bed, dishes, and carrier might’ve been a consolation to her.
Despite feeling a little odd walking through Windy and Walt’s home while they weren’t there, Ru headed for the kitchen in search of a drink of water. When she entered the cozy room, she saw Cutter sitting outside on the steps of the back porch. In the short time she’d lived with him at Angel Grove, she’d noticed he seemed to like to sit outside and think. While part of her thought it might be a good idea to leave him to his reflection, she had questions, and waiting wouldn’t make them any easier to ask. She got a glass from a cabinet and ran some water from the tap into it, taking a long drink before rinsing it and setting it in the dishwasher, which she knew to be empty. With a deep breath, she headed to the back door.
He didn’t turn at the sound of the door squeaking open and closed, which Ru didn’t take as a good sign, but she had come this far, and she wasn’t one for quitting—unless she counted her job, her family, her life as she had known it two months ago. She cleared her throat and dropped down so that she was sitting next to him on the narrow stoop. “Hey.” She glanced at him, but his eyes were fixed on a spot in the yard. She decided to give him some time.
After a long moment and an audible inhale, Cutter turned. The smile on his face was clearly forced, but at least he was trying. “Hey. How was Nana?”
“Good,” Ru answered, not giving it much thought. She hadn’t come out here to discuss her grandmother, though there were a few things she’d said that were probably worth mentioning. “We had a nice talk. She baked cookies.”
“That sounds fun.”
Thoughts that it would’ve been more fun if she’d been six filled her mind, but she kept her pitiful comments to herself. “Yeah. What have you been up to?”
“Not much, honestly,” he replied. “Making sure everything’s all squared away for tomorrow.”
“You sure got that passport quickly.”
“One of the perks of knowing people in high places.” He glanced up at the sky, indicating he meant Heaven, and Ru wasn’t sure if he was joking or if there was something otherworldly about the document. She didn’t think she wanted to know. “Lyric told me you ran into Nat last night?”
“I did. That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about.” She caught his gaze but only for a second before he looked away. She hoped they’d get to the second topic, but that would be up to him. “He mentioned potentially having to hurt someone I loved if I don’t join his army of soul-gatherers.” Even saying it aloud in a joking manner made her queasy.
“Really?” Cutter seemed surprised. He temporarily turned to look at her again. “Do you remember exactly what he said? I didn’t realize you’d had another conversation.”
Ru didn’t know how much she should tell him. There was no way for her to explain to Cutter that she just didn’t see Thanatos in the same light he did, that she didn’t want to kill him when she was alone with him, that she’d rather spend her time probing his mind, looking to understand him, than send him off to Hell. “He, uh, he said it was difficult for him to figure out who I cared enough about to cause him to force his hand but that he realized how he could get me, or something like that.” His exact words were a little muddled now, in the light of day. She remembered the part about forcing his hand. Something about being wise beyond his years.
Cutter’s forehead drew together, and he ran his hand through his hair. “Who do you suppose he’s talking about?”
“Sadly, I’m not sure,” Ru admitted. “There really aren’t too many people in this world that I am close enough to that he could say, ‘Oh, yeah, that’ll hurt her.’” She couldn’t help but drop her eyes to the ground. How pathetic was she that at twenty-five the most personal relationship she had was with a cat?
He looked puzzled, and Ru assumed that was because he was also having trouble coming up with an answer. “Candice?” he finally asked.
“I considered that. Do you think?”
“I don’t know. Surely not Liddy or one of your sisters.”
Ru shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Now that our team has moved on, we don’t have a wide presence in Reaper’s Hollow. I’ll let Sky know, and maybe she can send some of our people that direction. Whoever it is, it has to be someone there, right? I mean, it can’t be anyone here, and you don’t have a lot of friends or family elsewhere, do you?”
Her sisters lived in New York City—Cutter knew that, and she assumed when he said Reaper’s Hollow, he was including the entire region, which would encompass Tarrytown and Liddy as well. “No,” she said, quietly. “There isn’t anyone else.” She looked up to see him nodding, as if he was formulating a plan, and she wanted to apologize for her own pitiful existence.
“I’m sure we’ll be able to ward him off,” he said, obviously still going over the information in his head. One of the things Ru admired about him was his ability to think through situations critically. She felt a bit relieved that he didn’t seem to think the threat was real, though she also knew Thanatos was not one to toss around empty threats. Still, she had no idea who he could be referring to.
“Thanks,” she said, still feeling melancholy over her lack of relationships. “Where are your folks?”
“Oh, Cinder wanted to visit her favorite restaurant before she heads back to Jerusalem. I decided not to go.”
“Is everything okay?”
She knew as soon as the words were out of her mouth she shouldn’t have asked, at least not like that. Everything, obviously, wasn’t okay, and it was her fault. Still, it was a bridge to a distant shore, one she needed to visit eventually.
“Uh, yeah.” His gaze was out in the yard again, and he rubbed his hands together, as if he suddenly didn’t know what to do with them.
“Listen, Cutter…” she began, but she didn’t get anything else out before he began to speak.
“I know what Ivy told you last night,” Cutter said, turning to look at her briefly before averting his eyes again.
“You do?”
“Of course. I have superhuman hearing, you know? I could’ve heard her halfway across the state if I’d wanted to. And I really wasn’t trying to listen, but sometimes it’s hard not to hear.”
Even though she assumed he was exaggerating a bit, she was aware that heightening her senses was one thing she could work on, one that he’d clearly already mastered, but surely Ivy would’ve known that. “Why do you think she said it then?”
He only shrugged. “Because she’s probably tired of me not doing anything about it. She probably felt like you needed to know.”
Ru honestly wasn’t sure how to accept that information. What he didn’t say was more important than what he did. He hadn’t denied Ivy’s disclosure. It was too much for her to comprehend. On top of everything else going on in her life, how could she process the fact that this wonderful, gorgeous man, one she considered to be a dear friend, truly had feelings for her? She’d spent most of the last few months telling herself nothing could ever happen between them so there was no point in thinking about it. And then there was Kyle…. Just thinking of him made her heart heavy. Could she ever feel the same about Cutter as she had the man she’d thought she was falling in love with only a few weeks ago? She thought it was a possibility, but now was not the time to ponder such thoughts. She had to concentrate on finding her mother. And the portals. And seeing her father. And defeating Thanatos. She was a busy girl.
As Ru began to formulate some sort of response, Cutter’s voice cut through her thoughts. “I know the timing sucks, Ru. I’m not asking anything of you, not now anyway. That’s why I never said anything. I guess… I guess it just stung a bit to hear you verbalize what I already knew was true—that you and I are just friends. That we may never be anything else.” He turned and looked at her with his final words, and the pain in his eyes cut straight to her heart. It was almost more than she could bare. “I really don’t even want to talk about it. I definitely don’t want to hear you tell me I’m a great guy or that you’re still getting over Kyle. I already know how you feel about all that. I just… I just want things to go back to how they were a few days ago, before you said anything, before Ivy said anything. Do you think we can do that?”
Once again, Ru found herself grasping at words, none seeming to formulate a coherent sentence. Rather than attempting to tell him she didn’t think she could un-hear Ivy’s words or forget the look he’d given her when she’d inadvertently hurt him, she simply nodded; sometimes the best words were the ones left unspoken.
“Cool.”
She let his response hang in the air for a few minutes, thinking the situation was honestly anything but. On the other hand, at least they’d talked about it. Processing was another matter, and it might take her a few days to get through that. Maybe searching for her mother would be enough to return everything back to normal.