My body jumps up with a scream. I’m panting hard and breathing heavily while having the worst mental breakdown I’ve ever experienced and I’m voicing it out loud with wails.
“What? What’s wrong?!” Killian sits up. He’s by my side, putting an arm around me but I can’t hold myself. I burst out crying, unable to mumble the right words. My tears couldn’t let me. It’s one thing to be forced into silence through violence but it’s another thing to dream and see myself dying in the process. What’s more horrifying about the dream is the possibility of something like that happening.
“I. . . .,” I try to speak amidst crying. “I had a bad dream.” I broke out again. My hands sink into my hair, roughening it as I try to get the image of my battered face out of my head. There was so much blood. . . My blood. I think I’m going crazy. “In my dream I died!” I sob. “Brutally and I don’t want to-“ Just then, warm arms envelop my body, pulling me into an embrace.
“Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.” Killian cooes, running a hand down my back from the back of my head, trying to calm me down. “It was a nightmare. It’s not real. It’ll never be real cause I won’t ever let anything bad happen to you while I live. You’re going to be okay.” I haven’t stopped crying but my wailing is lessening to subtle subs. He’s rocking my body on his while threading his hand through my hair down to pat me back. “It was a dream. It’ll never be real. You’re going to be okay. Everything will be okay. I’m here.” Killian whispers. Hearing the repetition in his words gave me a weird yet satisfying sense of relaxation. It helped me mutter them in my head till it became something to accept.
Was it though? My conscience questions.
I am going to be okay.
Yes. . . Yes I will. He’s here. . . .
“Go back to sleep.” Killian hums, keeping my body glued to his. The warmth he gives is everything. “I won’t sleep till you retire. I’ll be watching you and ensure you’re okay and safe.”
I sniff. “That’ll be nice. Thank you.” My voice is low and shaky. I know I should let him rest but I’d really love the care. I’d really love to know that I’ll be waking up to protection of some sort and that I’m not alone. Like he says; he’ll never let anything bad happen to me while he’s here. . . And that death won’t be a reality because it was just a dream.
“Anything for you, kitten.” He mutters, still rocking my body on his while whispering soothing words. I clutch my fingers on his shirt, in front of his stomach, as that’s where my hand could touch while being hugged with both my arms loosely stuck to my sides in his embrace. I bury my head in his chest, wiping my tears into his clothing. With how much I’m crying, he can probably feel the wetness on his body but he’s not saying a word about it. “Would you like to hear me sing? To ease off your nerves.” He asks. With my head on his body, I felt every vibration as he spoke despite how calm he spoke. I can also hear the rhythm of his heart beat. I nod into his chest, mm-ing in response.
A low, melodious hum slid into my ears. Killian’s fingers threading through my hair, coupled with his soft humming and gentle rocking of my body as he pats me gently makes me feel drowsy. It makes me remember what was bothering me less than I should. It makes my eyes feel the weight of the satisfactory fatigue that pulled me to bed in the first place. My fingers let go of his shirt and my eyes voluntarily close, listening to him as he practically babies me.
This is nice. I can’t imagine how I’d have been if I had this dream much earlier than he arrived. I’d have ran mad. Things sure do feel better when you’re with somebody.
Not just anyone though, with someone you love and trust who reciprocates such fondness and affection. Someone who lets you know he’ll always be there even when it’s inconvenient. I genuinely cherish him for that. Words can’t begin to describe how much I do and how much I feel lucky to be loved by him. I wouldn’t want him to be anybody else.