It was nothing short of a soul of abomination that sent chills down one's spine. This existence, a blend of self-loathing and hatred for others, carried an extremely bitter taste.
Grief had vanished.
Joy had vanished.
Anger had vanished too.
All that was left was boundless hatred, hatred, hatred.
The deepest, darkest emotions gnawed at Shinji's soul.
That was the true form of Calydonian, a madness more terrifying than falling into hell.
His head felt as if it would burst, and his body temperature was gradually being stripped away.
His senses were being destroyed by the injected substance.
Unbearable darkness.
Unbearable ugliness.
It made one want to die.
But, he couldn't die yet.
Because there was still something more important than death, more important than this darkness, to be done.
There was still an obsession supporting him.
Revenge, to kill Amakusa Shirou Tokisada.
Kill Amakusa Shirou.
Kill Amakusa.
Kill.
Kill!
Kill!
Kill!
The black mist solidified, and the boundless darkness enveloped Shinji's body, wantonly devouring his spiritual foundation, and altering his form.
It didn't matter what he turned into.
A monster, a demon, or some other alien creature.
His consciousness grew deeper, the colors before his eyes more monotonous, leaving only endless black.
Come, come all, I will accept it all!
As long as I can kill that bastard, no matter the cost—
Just before the last shred of clarity faded, a voice pierced through the boundless darkness, reaching the deepest part of his soul.
"That won't do."
Huh? This voice, Justeaze...
"You can't do that, Shinji."
It's your voice, Justeaze, it's so good to hear your voice again.
Wait a bit longer, I'll come to see you soon.
I will kill that bastard soon, avenge you.
"No!"
Ah, I know you're worried about me, wholeheartedly thinking of me.
But you're no longer here, I can do whatever I want, right?
"Shinji, wake up!!! Look at me! Listen to my voice! Feel with your heart!"
Look... listen... feel...
His eyelids opened slightly, and before him was still the detestable darkness, but at the end of that darkness was a light.
A pure light.
A white light.
A warm light.
This light was incredibly familiar to Shinji. Ever since he arrived in this world, it had always been by his side, rarely leaving him for even a moment.
"Justeaze."
He called out this name once more.
"Yes, it's me."
With this response, the connection that had been silent for many days and seemed to have been severed suddenly became active. The bonds of magic, spirit, and soul were miraculously restored.
"Justeaze, is it you?"
"Yes, it's me, it's me, Shinji."
The same voice as always, the same gentleness, the same response, made Shinji feel as if he were in a dream.
"But, but weren't you..."
"I'm no longer here, right?"
She calmly stated the cruel reality, a fact that even he, who cared little about life and death, was unwilling to face.
Silence.
He dared not answer, fearing that if he did, this dream would end.
"It's okay, don't be afraid. This is not a dream. I am still here. The bond between us is the best proof."
"Then why... why couldn't I sense you before? Why didn't you come to find me..."
"Because I was locked up by Zelretch, trapped in a closed alternate space, and I was just released."
"Locked up? The old jewel man? As expected, he and that bastard are in cahoots. Bringing us here was all part of their plan!!!"
With the restoration of their bond, new vitality was injected into Shinji's withered and desolate heart, even clearing his thoughts significantly.
"What exactly are those two bastards plotting? Do they want to destroy the world?"
"Of course not. Through my interactions over the past few days, I can tell that these two are not world-destroying lunatics. They love this world more than ninety-nine percent of people."
"Wait, you say love? Then how do you explain that bastard's wish?"
"The information you gave me was not wrong. Amakusa Shirou's wish has always been the immortality of all humanity. From the Einzbern perspective, this is salvation. From another perspective, it's a form of destruction. Without death, can humans still be considered human?"
This reasoning was so sound it left him speechless.
"Then what are they after? Why torment you and me like this?"
Thinking about the past few days, a nameless fire surged in Shinji's heart.
"Zelretch's goal has always been clear to us: to collect data on the unpolluted Holy Grail and to make me reconsider if the Einzbern's millennia-old obsession is truly what I want."
"And that bastard?"
Erstesha hesitated for a moment before replying, "It seems to be related to you."
"Related to me? What did I do to provoke him? I just wanted to train, gather some data, and go back. Did he have to go to such lengths to break me? Couldn't he have just talked to me? I would have cooperated if necessary. How do you explain that bastard?"
"Neither Amakusa Shirou nor Zelretch told me the specific reason. They only said this is a trial, and they will tell you the reason once the trial is over."
"A trial, huh? A trial? Is this how you conduct a trial?"
Hearing this explanation, Shinji let out a series of laughs, filled with coldness and misery, sounding broken, which made Justezes heartache.
"Do you know, in these few short days, I died and lived, lived and died again. I don't even know how I endured it."
"I... I know, because I went through the same thing. I was always watching you but couldn't reach your side. Your pain was my pain."
"Justeaze..."
"So, do what you want to do. Whatever decision you make, I will support you. But— I don't want you to be consumed by hatred and turn into a monster."
Justeaze's prayer, transmitted through their bond, warmed Shinji's soul, which had endured countless pains and was riddled with scars.
"Is it too late? I have already used the Agrius Metamorphosis, and I don't know how long this remaining consciousness can hold on."
"It's not too late. As long as you remain steadfast and believe in yourself, you won't be influenced by hatred. This is your ability and the reason Zelretch chose you."
"My ability?"
"Close your eyes, relax your mind, and feel carefully. You are surrounded by more than just hatred; there are many more thoughts."
Pure white light flowed into Shinji's consciousness, guiding it deeper and deeper.
"Many care about you, not just me. This is the true source of your power, your unique magic."
Then, Shinji saw it, the light hidden in the deepest part of his heart, which was his origin.