I knew Lucien was trying to get me to talk about what I was feeling, what I was really thinking.
So I tried to shift the conversation, acted boldly, and replied bluntly, not letting him tease me and flirt with me.
But when it came to my brothers... especially Asher... I didn’t know what to say.
Even in my past life, things had always been complicated between us.
But no matter what had happened and no matter the pain I suffered, I had always loved him with everything I had.
"Do you love your big brother as well?" Lucien asked, raising a brow.
"Are you talking about Brother Adrian?" I asked in return.
"Yes, him." Lucien nodded. "I still remember how you were trying to run away from me when I mentioned that Adrian sent me. You looked terrified."
"Why wouldn’t I be scared?" I said sharply. "They never cared for me. Sure, they sent gifts, and called once in a while... but not once did they try to understand how I felt. What I really wanted."
I paused as my voice softened. "Except Brother Alistair. He always put me first... even if he came too late."
Lucien blinked. "Too late? What do you mean? He’s here now, pushing all his schedules aside for you. Do you even know how much money he’s lost just to be with you?"
"What?" My eyes widened. "He did that?"
My heart skipped a beat. "Why would he...? Everything was fine this time. I met you... I didn’t end up in that hospital... So even if he came two years later like he did before... I wouldn’t have minded."
I looked away, blinking fast. "I was okay this time. He didn’t need to come to save me!"
"Save you?" Lucien asked in a low voice. "When did he save you?"
"Back when I was in that mental hospital," I said quickly. "I spent two years there... before my brothers came for me. Brother Alistair was the one who searched nonstop. Adrian helped him track my location. And Asher... He brought his military team to break in and get me out."
I looked at him, and he looked surprised, but I kept going.
I knew what I was saying probably sounded insane to him. But I needed to say it out loud. I needed someone to hear it.
Lucien just watched me quietly, listening. He didn’t interrupt, make fun, or walk away from me with a scoff.
I knew he didn’t believe me. There was no reason he should.
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"And then?" Lucien pressed gently, his voice steady, drawing me back from the silence I’d slipped into. "What happened after that?"
"What happened...?" I muttered under my breath. I tried to think, but I couldn’t come up with something proper.
I tried to remember everything and tried to find out what happened after being saved. But everything felt scattered and blurred. My memories were fragmented, like someone had torn pages out of a story I once knew.
Lucien leaned in slightly. His gaze was intense. "I’m still listening."
My head ached as I pressed myself to remember, but I couldn’t.
"Forget it," I said, shaking my head as I waved him off. "Just know that I love my brothers. Enough to come back to this life... just to protect them. Their pain matters more than mine, and all I care for is them!"
Lucien was quiet for a moment... his expression was unreadable.
Then I heard his voice, it was low and almost hesitant. "If you don’t care about yourself... can I?"
My heart fluttered in my chest, making me go dizzy.
"What... what do you mean?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "I... I might feel something for you, but..."
The words hung in the air. I couldn’t finish.
"Let’s go," Lucien said softly, breaking the silence between us. "I’ll take you to the Lancaster mansion."
I nodded, my thoughts still a mess. I wasn’t just confused about the missing pieces in my memory, but I was stunned that he wanted to take care of me.
Lucien, of all people. It felt strangely surreal.
But somewhere deep down, I was relieved that he hadn’t been avoiding me. He was just as flustered as I was.
I didn’t want to stay here any longer. I needed to leave, to clear my head... and to figure out why my heart had started reacting to someone I still didn’t fully understand.
"Do you need anything else?" Lucien asked in a low tone.
"Huh?" I blinked, looking up at him, caught off guard.
He cleared his throat slightly. "I mean... if you need anything, just let me know. I’ll call you once I get my phone back in the morning."
I hesitated, then nodded. "A text is fine too."
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "Alright. I’ll text you."
Soon, we were both in the car. Silence filled the space between us, broken only by the hum of the engine as Lucien drove down the empty roads.
I stared out the window for a moment, then finally found the courage to speak.
"You know... I like you," I said softly. "I don’t even know why, or when it started, but I do. And it scares me."
Lucien nearly hit the brakes. His hands tightened on the steering wheel.
"Come again?" he asked, glancing at me like he wasn’t sure he heard right.
I didn’t blame him. It probably came out of nowhere. But I had to say it... I needed to.
"I’m scared," I continued, my voice quieter now. "Scared that if you ever knew my past... or who I used to be... You wouldn’t want anything to do with me."
I didn’t look at him. I just couldn’t.
Because this wasn’t just about liking him... it was about trusting him with the parts of me I still hadn’t forgiven.