"Family weekend was a disaster." I sipped my coffee. "Most of the time I spent it fearing for my life like a gun to the head, metaphor of course... and there were the moments."
I bit my bottom lip, recalling how Ares fucked me under the shower. A shiver shot up my spine, but I quickly shook my head and cleared my throat.
"And I spent most of it drunk, too. I think the drunk part was really needed. It was helpful to process things even though it didn’t completely help."
My mind flashed to Athena’s story that still wrecked me.
I set my coffee on the table before leaning back on the sofa, my legs crossed. "It was an eventful weekend, in short."
Dr. Miller gaped at me, glasses hanging low on his nose, before he blinked and spoke. "Mrs. King, when you told me you were gonna start a session with me, I was hoping we’d talk about the accident."
"I’m gonna be honest with you, I hate shrinks," I blurted. "I had no intention of walking through that door ever again."
"That’s completely understandable. Can you tell me what made you feel that way?"
"I was very young when I started and my shrink..." I scoffed. "She was an ass who treated a little girl like she had a problem that needed fixing. I was broken, according to her."
"I’m sorry about that," he said sincerely.
"Yeah... so don’t blame me."
"I won’t. What made you change your mind? About shrinks?"
"I haven’t, I still don’t like this..."
"Alright then. I get that. The ease isn’t there anymore; there’s no comfort from this. But you should know one experience can’t mean the same for all."
I sighed heavily. "Actually, I came to offload. I can’t do that with my best friend because I keep dropping my headaches on her, and she has her own life. I chose this for myself, and I’m meant to deal with it, but I’m a total mess."
"So you decided to drop your headaches on me."
"Exactly!" I breathed. "I’m starting to like you." I grabbed my coffee and sipped.
He chuckled and pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "I’ll try my best to handle your headaches, Mrs. King."
"You’d better."
"But I’d need you to be honest and transparent. Can we work with that? We’ll go at your pace, of course."
"I’ll try."
"That’d be great!" He pressed the end of his pen, which was probably worth a fortune. "Have you been getting enough sleep?"
He waited for me... patiently.
"Just a little," I replied.
"Are there nightmares?"
Horny dreams.
"Yeah."
"About...?"
"I’m Mrs. King, the nightmares come in a load of frames."
"You’re projecting your status, which means you’re under a lot of stress from it."
"That’s about right. I just told you the chaos I had at family dinner, so yeah, stress doesn’t even begin to describe it."
"I understand. Being a wife to an important figure in the city has its perks, but you’re not alone. You have your husband and your best friend, as you mentioned."
"It’s not getting easier and now..."
"Now what?"
I paused, but again he waited even though it took over a minute.
"I’m about to make a risky decision."
"Does it endanger your life?"
"Not in that sense, but a decision to somehow understand what I have dragged myself into."
He nodded slowly.
"So what’s your thought about that?" I asked.
"Well, my thoughts don’t exactly matter here. I’m just here to help guide you through whatever weight. Help you explore your thoughts, feelings, and so on."
I sighed, leaning back on the sofa, and folded my arms.
"If you’re torn, then you ask yourself this question. Is this decision you’re about to make really worth the risk?"
"I see..." I leveled my gaze.
I don’t even wanna think about it that way, because then I won’t get the answers I need.
"Mrs. King?"
"Y-Yeah?"
"You spaced out again."
I adjusted my glasses. "Sorry... There’s so much right now, and I can’t follow up. So spacing helps, I think."
"No need to apologize. But you have to stay grounded, too. It’s important."
Those were Tori’s words, too. Now he says it, I guess spacing out randomly is definitely a big no-no.
"Well, look at the time." I grasped my coffee and rose to my feet. "I think we had a great first session."
He gave me a soft smile. "That’s for me to decide. I’m the doctor, remember?"
"And I’m sure I’m one of your greatest patients!"
"Client..." He corrected me.
"Right!" I walked to the door but halted midway. "Um, can I ask you something? Totally unrelated to what we discussed."
"Of course." He closed his notebook, and I found a little bit of ease.
"What happens if you want someone so bad but you’re scared?"
"Scared of what...?" he asked with narrowed eyes.
"Losing yourself in the process..."
"What made you think that way? Why do you think wanting this person will end that way?"
I clenched my coffee with both my hands. "I don’t know, maybe it’s just a reminder that it won’t last. I’m scared that when that time comes, I won’t be able to..."
"Move on?" He finished for me.
I nodded. "My Granny always told me that I can’t let go of things that easily, which is both a good and a bad thing. I think it applies to people, too. I’m not as strong as my best friend, who can move from even the things she was most connected with. She’s so sure of herself and doesn’t let anything drag her down, but I’m the complete opposite."
"This ex you mentioned when you talked about your family dinner. Have you let him go?"
I opened my mouth but hung momentarily. "A part of me has..." I gulped. "I can’t just erase those years, but I have to, not just because I’m still mad at him, but it’s because it’s what I need to do. I can’t be stuck on the past; I have to embrace the future. My future."
He smiled. "Then I’m sure when the time comes, you can move on. We all do eventually. It’s difficult, but we do, and that’s what matters."