Okay. So. I’m apparently a girl who keeps a diary now.
A journal, fine, that sounds more tactical. Still weird.
Althaea says “recording one’s thoughts clarifies them.”
She also alphabetizes her rations, so I don’t know why I’m listening.
But Mira smiled when she handed me this book — all star-stamped leather and silver trim — and said, “You need somewhere safe to think.”
And maybe she’s right, because my head’s a storm right now.
The pep rally was chaos. I’ve been through ambushes with less shouting.
Humans in face paint, magic flickering like it forgot its leash, and Bree Halden pretending she’s a goddess because she can hold a crown.
I didn’t trust the energy in that gym from the moment we walked in.
Felt like the air had teeth.
One second she’s standing there, eyes sharp, chin high like the duchess she keeps trying not to be.
Next, the world burns and she hits the floor.
I swear my heart stopped. I don’t remember moving, just being there.
Kael had her left flank, Cassie had her head in her lap, and I—
Me. The Bloodsworn Captain of the Starveil Guard, frozen like a child because the person I’m supposed to die for forgot how to breathe.
When she woke up later… gods, I could’ve cried.
Did cry, actually. Quietly. Don’t tell Kael.
The thing is, she smiled at me. Said my name like it meant home.
And something in me just… broke open.
As Roran, I was her sword. Her shield. Distance was easy.
Duty’s a wall you can hide behind.
She hugs me. Teases me. Drags me into cuddle piles, for stars’ sake.
Some small part of me still flinches when I hear myself laugh too easily, when I catch a glimpse in the mirror and there’s this girl smiling back.
It feels soft, and soft never survived the courts.
But then Mira leans on me like she trusts me with more than her safety, and Cassie calls me “Ro” like it’s normal, and I don’t want to go back to stone and silence.
I like painting my nails.
I like the way dresses move when I turn too fast.
I like that people see me and see me.
No. That’s a lie. I love that I can protect Mira as a friend, not just a weapon.
Still, sometimes, late at night, I hear Roran’s voice in the back of my skull, muttering about composure and posture and command.
And then I laugh, because none of that helped him keep her safe either.
Last night, when everyone fell asleep around Mira, I stayed awake the longest.
Kael eventually slumped over the headboard, Althaea pretended not to be snoring, and even Cassie stopped whispering to the girl she loves.
I just sat there, listening to the rain fade, feeling the Veil go quiet.
And I realized something simple: Fınd the newest release on novel_fіre.net
But maybe I get to be her friend, too.
maybe that’s stronger than duty ever was.
P.S. …Did I seriously just sign that with hearts? Twice?
It didn’t even feel wrong.
Great. I’m officially the kind of girl who dots her name with affection and doesn’t notice until it’s already written.
Roran would’ve fainted.
…But I think I like it.