Listen While Reading: xxε34lost_world
I saw countless colors surface within my mind one after another as I felt my own body’s weight quickly dissipate.
It was as if I had become a spiritual being, freed from my fleshy self. This entire world of bright lights and colors that constantly flashed brightly.
It was as if I was in the middle of a beautiful sonata of countless stars born from the innocent drawings of kindergarten children.
Innocence and beauty flowed everywhere; happiness and cuteness intermixed together.
It was fuzzy and nice, perhaps too nice.
I rejected the colors, as I continued walking, and then, images appeared before my eyes. Or, well, before what I could “see” with my sense of vision within this realm of the mind and dreams.
“Dear! Wake up already! Breakfast is ready!”
“Come on, Anna, you’ll be late for your first day at the Hunter Academy if you don’t hurry!”
Two familiar voices reverberated.
I opened my eyes, finding myself over a comfortable bed.
I looked around; this was my house, the house of my childhood.
I ran downstairs, almost by instinct.
And there I found them.
She was serving me a huge plate of eggs and bacon, with toasts covered with melted butter right by the side, and some nice coffee too.
She smiled warmly; her long brown hair and her bright eyes immediately told me who she was.
And then there he was, black hair, a sharp and handsome face, a confident yet calm and warm smile.
He was reading the news on his phone while drinking coffee, having already finished his big pile of pancakes for breakfast.
Yeah, that’s his favorite breakfast.
I walked downstairs, meeting them.
“Anna! Come here and eat—why aren’t you dressed up yet?!” my mom asked.
“We bought that really pretty uniform for you; you don’t like it?” my father wondered.
“I… I do,” I smiled. “I always loved all the clothes you bought for me…”
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They looked at me with surprise.
Then I heard someone walking out of the bathroom.
“Phew, all done…” His voice held a strange cheerfulness unlike what I always hear from him.
His eyes were bright and full of hope and dreams.
His face wasn’t bitter, and his expression wasn’t expressionless.
He had light in his face, and even his eyes… were of normal green color, not red.
It was him, a version that was never traumatized, a version that never went through the pain of the first awakening like he did.
Like he should have always been.
Remembering that lonely man on top of the throne above all things.
Remembering how he slayed all those monstrosities from beyond to reach there.
And then how sad he looked, despite having become the strongest.
It made me realize he was never happy, and he was always suffering.
A power fantasy… that was never a power fantasy.
It was just a tale of a man’s descent into insanity, into utter madness and sorrow.
Yeah, it’s quite obvious… My brother hates himself so much.
It oozes through him how much he always thinks he doesn’t deserve anything.
This is him if he didn’t hate himself.
This is him… if he didn’t lose his parents, if he didn’t lose me.
If he didn’t have to make a pact with Fenrir and kill, and kill, and kill, and kill to survive…
This is Jack if he was happy.
And these are mom and dad if they were still alive.
How much would it have changed if they were alive?
“I see now… This is a combination of my painful memories and my dreams, isn’t it?” I wondered. “A selfish ‘what if” where I wished they were alive, and this lake even shows me how much different everything would be… wow.”
“Anna? What’s wrong, sis?” Jack wondered, tilting his head. “Are you still sleepy? Haha, wake up already, dork.”
He petted my head and messed with my hair as he walked away.
He would have never done that if he were like he is right now…
That was just a nice thing brothers do; well, it’s not nice, but…
Yeah, it was something “casual,” something funny.
Messing with me… like a brother does.
Even that… Jack isn’t capable of.
He’s so broken that… he can’t even act anymore.
“Dear? You’re going to be late for the academy…” said Mom.
“Come on, what are you talking about all of a sudden?” sighed my father.
I walked towards them and then hugged my dad.
“I miss you even now, dammit…”
I started crying without realizing.
“I wish you weren’t dead… I miss you every morning… I want to see you eating pancakes with me… I want you to bring me to school and tell me your boring dad jokes… and then I would force a laugh, because I don’t want you to know you’re a bit boring… because you’re my dad and I love you.”
I kissed his forehead and hugged him again.
“I’ll never forget you… but this, the you of right now, it’s not real.”
“I’m sorry… But I have to move on.”
I walked towards Mom and hugged her as well.
Even the smell of her perfume… it was so nostalgic and comforting.
“I miss you too, Mom, your scoldings… and your amazing meals… your cute long hair, I loved it! Look, I have long hair too because I wanted to look a bit like you.”
“You’re someone that always worried the most about me… your scoldings, and your attitude, it was all because you loved me and cared for my future… I want to tell you that although I said I hated you a couple of times when I was a brat… I never meant it… I love you…”
My mother started crying too.
She hugged me tightly.
I cried and cried many rivers.
But I had to move on.
“I’m not real, am I?”
“Maybe the me of right now might not be real, but… if you remember me so much even now… I still live in your heart, in your memories. And that… nobody can take that away from you.”
She let me go; unlike my dad, she was…
She’s truly like Mom.
“Anna? What’s going on?! Why is everything turning white?!”
He was panicking a lot, very unlike him.
“I wish you were a bit sometimes… You’re so stiff and silent… I know you’re always suffering, but I always try my best to make you smile even once…”
“You’re not like him, but you’re just... what I wish he was… I love you; take care.”
I kissed his nose and walked away.
The entire world around me was falling into pieces, the light turning into butterflies.
I walked down the path made by them.
I didn’t destroy these memories and these dreams.
I won’t reject them either.
I accepted them as dreams and moved on.
Because even when dreams aren’t real, I know that they are what keep us moving towards achieving them.
I might never be able to see my parents again.
I might never see Jack acting like that ever.
But by holding these dreams, this hope…
I can work towards a future that might be at least a little bit like that.
The path of butterflies sent me towards a bright gate of light.
I saw the butterflies gather within my heart and become one with my Heart of Hope.
Yes… this is the path I’ve chosen.
“That’s all… Let’s go back to reality.”
I didn’t need to see anymore, because I had already accepted it.
And therefore, even as I walked through countless of such visions, they all became butterflies made of light and fused with my Heart of Hope.
I gasped for air, suddenly realizing I had emerged from the lake.
I crawled towards the shore, sighing in relief. Read full story at novel⚑fire.net
“Ugh, I hate how much I cry…” I sighed, sitting over the fluffy clouds.
My master walked to my side, sitting right next to me.
“Well done… Anna,” she said. “You’ve done it just like you said… What an amazing girl you are.”
She hugged me, and I hugged her back.
“You have a wonderful family…”
I rubbed my face on her fluffy feathers, feeling her fuzzy warmth.
“You’re my family too…”