13 August 2015
Dear Diary,
I've tried coping with the silence for weeks now and I have yet to figure it all out and get used to hollowness inside. It's not normal. It doesn't seem or feel real, just like a dream and God knows how much I want all of this to be a dream but even I know that dreams doesn't consist of watching your best friend's parents mourn over her or stand by and watch as her coffin was lowered down into the hole 6 feet deep in the ground.
Cole and Drake booked a flight and arrived along with mom and dad a day before the funeral and they have tried their best in cheering me up and mom have tried everything she could to comfort Aunt Amy. But seeing the lifeless, cold and limp body of your best friend or daughter one last time as the coffin's lid was pushed closed.
It has been dark and tough for all of us these past few weeks and I don't know if I'm ever going to recover from this. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to be my old self without Irene standing by my side and cheering me on with her words like she has always done.
I just hope things get better.
~•~•~
4 September 2015
Dear Diary,
It's been about a month now and I still couldn't get out of the room. I would skip a meal once or twice and feel this twist kind of feel in my gut but it's probably nothing. I'm fine. I'll survive.
~•~•~
12 September 2015
Dear Diary,
It's my birthday today but I feel nothing. I feel numb. No happiness or joy.
Aunt Amy gave me a printed ticket today. She told me that Irene had her keep it safe for today. She said that Irene was going to surprise me. It's placed and folded neatly into a white envelope and it turns out to be a ticket to a Supernatural convention.
I just cried more when I opened it since I knew it was not only in my bucket list but it was also in Irene's and now she'll never get to cross that number out. Another reason is because I have always pictured going with Irene. I've never thought that any of these would happen and I'll be left with two printed tickets to a convention that my best friend left me for a birthday gift before passing.
It has airplane tickets in it and a hotel room reservation. The airplane ticket is scheduled for tomorrow at noon and the convention is two days from now. I couldn't even think of going. Not without Irene.
But I know deep inside that she would want me to live our dreams for the both of us. I'm going to go. For the both of us. For Irene.
~•~•~