“But on my final night, when I was at my final gasp and about to die, a ghost came to haunt the Empress’ courtyard. Nobody thought I had hope, so only an old wet-nurse was assigned to stand watch, and as she dozed, she noticed a white shadow floating by. Terrified, she cried out, and the startled guards and waiting ladies came rushing in. They found me covered in sweat, but recovered from my sickness.
“Nobody could explain what had happened, but no one paid it any mind. I lived in the Empress’ residence, but the servants did not take good care of me and I was often injured. The Crown Prince was naughty in his youth and often stuffed strange things in my mouth, but my wet-nurse did not dare stand in his way, so she could only bring me outside the residence walls, weeping in the open air.”
Ning Yi spoke calmly as if he was speaking about another, as if it was just a story — the main character’s misery and loneliness had already long frozen into a plain of crystal, crushed underneath by forward marching steps.
“One night, my wet-nurse cried herself asleep, and when she woke I was sleeping on the stairs next to her. She clearly remembered hugging me to her chest, and so she was very scared by this strange occurrence; afterwards, she no longer dared bring me outside and cry. That night, the Empress’ residence was once again haunted by a ghost.”
“The ghosts that walk this earth often come from the hearts of people.” Feng Zhiwei quietly replied.
Ning Yi looked at her, a small, gentle smile floating in the depths of his eyes. “After these hauntings, the Empress grew uneasy and said that my Four Pillars of Destiny were not in harmony with hers, so she gave me to Imperial Noble Consort Chang. Consort Chang was a distant cousin of hers and only became Father Emperor’s Concubine because she was born from a concubine. She did not have any daring back then, so I was able to grow stably until I was seven when the Tian Sheng Dynasty was founded.”
The flames in the fire pan weakened and the dim room fell more and more into darkness. The faint aroma of ash drifted in the air, accompanying the rare, expensive, black and gold lacquered furniture as they faded into the boundless dark, as old and weighted as the story being told.
“You... when did you see her again?” Feng Zhiwei finally asked.
“You are clever. You are just too clever...” Ning Yi replied, stroking her hair and sighing meaningfully. “The Tian Sheng Country was founded, and because I was still young I still lived in the palace. The Tian Sheng Imperial Palaces were built on the old Da Cheng Palaces, its grounds magnificently large. I did not see much of anything else until I was nine, when I was holding a kite for Eldest Brother and fell, injured. Everyone took the kite and rushed away, saying they would call the Imperial Physician, but time passed without anyone coming back. In my pain, I rolled off the hill and stumbled upon a peaceful residence. I had heard that this palace was abandoned, locked, and off limits, but on that day the gates stood open.”
A small smile quirked his lips and his eyes glittered with happiness: “The door opened and a lady walked out.. that was the first time I ever saw her...”
Ning Yi coughed twice and turned his face away, but not before Feng Zhiwei noticed the brightness glimmering in the corners of his eyes, glittering like diamonds.
After a moment, Ning Yi regained his calm and continued: “I didn’t know who she was. I just she knew was incredibly beautiful, and that her eyes were filled with warmth and kindness like nothing I had ever seen before. I was too startled to be wary of a stranger, so I didn’t struggle as she came near and picked me up. She brought me inside and bound my wound and made a special, delicious cake for me. Even though I was nine, she still tried to hand feed me, and thought I stayed for over two hours, she never said a word. Finally, when I was saying my goodbyes, tears fell from her face.”
Feng Zhiwei had to turn away and hold back her sniffles as she choked back her emotions.
Mothers!
“I returned home, but I could never forget her, so I sneaked back several times. I knew that her palace was off limits, so I was very careful every time. My studies were getting intense, and my brothers kept close watch over me, so I could only find a few opportunities to visit. Every time I visited, she would happily busy herself taking care of me; one time, I was so tired I fell asleep while visiting, and when I woke hours later, I saw her fanning me, her wrist swollen from fanning without rest.”
Ning Yi paused, touching his wrist as if he could feel his mother’s pain through that touch. His fingers brushed lightly against his skin, but his eyes grew gradually colder and colder.
“Seven times... I visited seven times... but on the eighth visit... she was gone, and the palace was empty.
When he was nine, he met his mother for the first time, and the next year he lost her forever.
He remembered everything about her in vivid detail. He remembered every precious, stolen moment he had spent with her. Those seven visits were carved into his heart, relived countless times.
Seven meetings, one life.
Life before and life after seemed so cold and miserable. Only this one short stretch was filled with color, a vibrance that would never fade.
Feng Zhiwei looked into his eyes, unable to ask about her final days. The saying that beautiful women often lived unfortunate lives spoke to these moments.
Perhaps she had struggled and lived in seclusion those ten years, hoping everyday to meet her son, hoping that her motherly love could brighten his heart and relieve some of the burden of the cold-blooded Imperial politics. Perhaps she had hoped that in his doomed loneliness, she could bring some measure of warmth to his life.
“I later discovered that the day of her death was today.”
Everyone gathered to celebrate the Noble Consort’s happy and grand birthday, but her lonely, desolate death was remembered by no one.
“When I learned of this, I was filled with immeasurable regret. If I had known she was waiting for me, no matter how packed my schedule, no matter how much evil my brothers planned, even if I could not eat or sleep, I would have come as many times as I could... but there is no medicine for regret, and I wasted the most precious moments of my life.”
“No, not wasted.” Feng Zhiwei replied sincerely. “In the end, you two still met, and you spent many happy moments with her. She was happy, and so were you. That is enough.”
“Happy?” Ning Yi said, startled. “Happy?”
He burst out in unhappy laughter, his voice low and deep, flecked with blood. He wiped the scarlet drops from his lips and stared down at the smeared trails of red, his laughter cutting off as suddenly as it came, his voice sad and lonely. “I had thought she was happy, and for these long years I had always believed that, but not I find out how wrong I was!”
Feng Zhiwei stirred, thinking back to the alluring pose of the crystal statue.
“You also saw the tunnel!” Ning Yi exclaimed, jabbing his finger into the distance. “Father Emperor, my father! In the end, he could not abandon her beauty, and so he ordered a secret tunnel built, and that statue... that, that thing!”