Please don’t let her resemble me in this way. Let her only resemble the kind face, the gentle and sweet nature.
The letter ended, just like that, with a bit of self-flattery.
At some point, our hands had let go, but my body still tensed with nervousness. I couldn’t say anything as Zahid slowly straightened up.
“Was what Yuta said true?”
“Are you really planning to die in case something happens?”
His expression made it clear—he already knew everything.
I let out a long sigh, set the note aside, and perched on the edge of the bathtub. Looking straight into his eyes, I spoke slowly.
“If things go really, really badly, I figured... dying on my own would be better than dying at Aietar’s hands.”
“Better to do that than have my life used to extend his. Don’t you think? But if I wanted to die cleanly, without the restrictions of time or space at the last moment... using a Divine Beast would be the best option...”
Given who we were dealing with, it was impossible not to imagine the worst.
I just didn’t want to be used—if it came to that, I thought maybe I could use Liri’s vines or Athena’s water to end it myself.
“But unless it’s the very, very end, of course I won’t die. I spent nine years in the Magic Tower just so I wouldn’t die.”
I held Zahid’s hand tightly and continued.
“I know everyone’s trying so hard for me. So I’m not treating my life lightly. I’m loved. I...”
My throat tightened for a moment.
I’d made this promise to myself so many times since regression, and now I was saying it out loud in front of Zahid.
“I’ll never forget that. So don’t take it too much to heart.”
Then I added with a bitter smile,
“If I died first, can you imagine how much it would hurt the people who love me...?”
Zahid’s face—smooth and calm now—overlapped with the dying Zahid I once knew.
“Just... you be happy. That’s enough for me.”
“Zahid, don’t die. Please...”
That old woman reading our fortune had been right.
“Living with such terrible and vivid memories must be its own kind of torment...”
Back then, I truly felt like I was dying. The pain of losing someone I loved was so raw, so real.
That’s why I always prepare for the end—but I’ll fight until the very last moment so I never show my loved ones that ending.
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Zahid stared at me in silence, then let out a long sigh. Then he said in a slightly hoarse voice,
“You’re really good with words.”
“Ah, thank you so much for the compliment...”
As I smiled awkwardly, Zahid gently pulled his hand from mine, then laced his fingers with mine again.
The strength in his grip pulled me toward him automatically.
Before I knew it, my whole arm was pressed against his body.
The moisture from his soaked clothes carried his scent along my skin.
The bathroom was still dark. Moonlight shone through the high window, casting silver light over us.
It suddenly hit me that we were truly alone.
Our locked eyes, the space between us, made me swallow hard.
Zahid broke the silence with a voice roughened by emotion.
“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you.”
Startled, I slightly parted my lips, and he looked straight at me as he spoke.
“I told you nine years ago.”
“You keep looking at me and seeing someone else...”
Strictly speaking, he wasn’t wrong—but this was hard to explain.
As I blinked, Zahid continued.
“And I told you back then—I really hate that.”
My body had already leaned toward him in the tub, and now I was even closer.
“Even after nine years, every time you do that, I feel worse. And worse...”
His purple eyes darkened visibly.
“Sometimes, it hurts so much I feel like I can’t breathe.”
His eyes were thick with the weight of something unspoken, damp like the steam in the room.
“But I also know... there’s nothing I can do.”
His voice was barely more than a whisper, but the room was so still, every word struck clearly in my ears.
“I can’t control what pops into your head, can I?”
His voice—sluggish, thick with emotions, saturated with wetness—blended with the soft splash of the bathwater, filling the space.
“I kept thinking, over and over—who the hell is that bastard?”
“You met me when you were twelve, so whoever it is, it must’ve been before that...”
“Turns out, I found out by accident today, while following behind you. He died for you, didn’t he?”
Ugh. He overheard that?
“I get it. I mean, with something like that, of course he’d be hard to forget.”
Yeah, that’s why I went looking for you...
“Then does that mean I’ll never be free of that bastard’s shadow?”
Well... if that’s how you want to think, I can’t stop you...
“But then, suddenly, I had this thought.”
As I sat there frozen, Zahid gently pulled me forward.
Without resisting, I let myself fall into him—and Zahid caught me. Now I was straddling him in the tub.
The water still in the tub splashed softly at my toes. Heat wrapped around me between our intertwined legs.
My whole body tensed. Zahid, equally tense, whispered,
“That guy’s definitely dead. Died when you were a kid.”
He was off the mark—but not entirely.
“So if we did something only adults can do...”
My heart was pounding hard, like it might burst.
“Would that stop you from thinking of him when you look at me?”
There was no escape from his piercing stare.
Most of what he was saying was wrong—but not all of it.
Before the regression, we’d never been this close. I’d imagined it countless times, but never had we shared this kind of tension, this closeness.
I used to think confidently, “We like each other, so of course we should do this kind of thing!”—but now that we were actually this close, my whole body trembled from the intensity.
The tub was small, and our wet clothes made every touch press tighter together. His heartbeat thudded clearly against my chest as we leaned into each other.
As I struggled ❖ Nоvеl𝚒ght ❖ (Exclusive on Nоvеl𝚒ght) to steady my breath, he whispered,
His long eyes curved softly as he squeezed my hand. Then, in a tone thick with temptation, he asked,
“Do you remember the day we first met?”
I knew exactly which day he meant.
When I was a child—I’d gone to him out of nowhere and forced an engagement on him...
Thinking about it now, that was quite a while ago too.
I nodded, and Zahid gave a low chuckle.
“I still think that day was really unnatural.”
“The most rational conclusion I could reach at the time was that you were flighty, and you’d probably dump me before long.”
Well, yeah. He had said that back then.
‘You seem quite fickle. You’ll probably change your mind halfway through.’
If I were in his shoes at that age, I might’ve thought the same.
I shook my head and laughed.
“Of course not. No way. My feelings haven’t changed. Not then, not now, not ever.”
“Wasn’t I doing my best to give you a solid promise in my own childish way? Think about it—I even gave you an expensive ring!”
I gestured toward the ring still on Zahid’s left ring finger. Two rings were still sitting side-by-side.
At my words, Zahid let out a low laugh like a well-fed beast. Then, his voice tightening like something clenched inside, he said:
“When we were kids... Even when I didn’t express things directly, you always seemed sure of my feelings. But even when you expressed them openly, I always felt uncertain.”
His tone was almost formal, but his eyes were sharp, like he might devour me.
“I no longer distrust people. I don’t bristle with thorns. I’m not arrogant anymore. And...”
I knew exactly what he was referencing.
‘An arrogant little bastard who trusts no one, all prickles and barbs...’
That’s what I had said when I first went to him as a child.
“Most of all, I’m not a kid anymore...”
His red lips parted in a low murmur.
“So now... how about I give you certainty in an adult’s way?”
His gaze moved slowly—from my eyes, to my nose, to my lips.