Chapter 34
He was shaking, holding me in his arms like I could vanish any second. He repeated the name over and over, with his face buried in my neck. His body would not stop trembling. I had no idea what to do with my hands and slowly patted him on the back. I knew what he was going through. The Emperor’s Trauma. Liliana died a terrible death because of him, I thought.
In the novel, Liliana had been dumped in the dirtiest brothel after suffering every indignity a human could suffer. The emperor, who found Liliana broken, had cried for three days and nights after killing her with his own hands. Lilliana had wanted to die, and he couldn’t refuse her last wish. This had caused his nightmares every night after. I had a heartache for days after reading this part of the novel. It was such a terrible tragedy. He had been given no choice but to kill the only precious person in his life with his own hands. Liliana had been his only family, besides his mother, I remembered.
I always presumed he saw me only as a doll, but he seemed quite shocked that I had almost died. It was apparent that he saw much of Liliana in me. I held him back, I’m safe.
Too many people had been killed by this blood-stained, tyrant of an emperor to invoke pity. If this had been the real world, even life imprisonment or the death penalty wouldn’t be justice enough. Nevertheless, I could not help feeling compassion for him. He was a man who had never been happy in his life. Any joy that entered his existence was soon taken away by the people around him.
The moment he killed Liliana with his own hands, he gave up being happy. Therefore, even if it meant feeding his tortured soul, he turned to dolls. If he hadn’t done that, his life would have ended. The emperor needed a reason to continue to live. It was the only way that he could find revenge for Liliana. That, and only that, was what mattered.
I continued to stroke his back, as if to soothe a child wandering in the dark without a lamp to rely on. He had no one to comfort him. Although it was only a doll’s touch, I hoped it would ease his pain.
It’s okay. I’ll stay with you as your doll until the heroine, Eris, comes. Don’t be afraid. I continued to envision comforting thoughts as he fell asleep in my arms.
***
I had a dream about the books I read when I existed as Ji-Hye Lee. It was a novel split into five thick volumes, and very popular with readers. It was also famous for its tragic themes, but I decided to read it anyways.
The story begins when a lady named “Liliana” meets the main male character, the emperor. The first part of the book concentrated on her story. Since the book was written in third person, the feelings of the two characters were vividly described. The narrative played at the heartstrings through its use of expression.
Then, he lost Liliana.
Every time I read a volume in the series, it felt like my emotions had gone through a tornado, but I couldn’t stop myself from picking up the next book. It was where the female lead enters the picture…
She had such a bright and open personality, while the emperor had been devastated by years of trauma and become withdrawn. The two fell in love at first sight, their destiny written in the stars. He hesitated at first, but couldn’t help admitting he had feelings for her. The female lead fell in love with him too, watching him gradually reveal his heart to her. The two ended up sharing their feelings under a lilac tree.
However, tragedy fell among the two lovers. A week later she was killed by a group of unknown assailants and the male character, who lost his love in front of his eyes, fell into a deep despair, and destroyed the world. The story ends with the souls of the two lovers taken away by God.
“Lily.” I heard my name being called as if from a great distance. I realized I had been crying once more from the powerful dream. When I had first read the stories, I had awoken every morning, with tears streaming from my eyes, for almost a week straight.
“Liliana.” I opened my eyes, and he was gazing at me. It was as if he was looking at the real Liliana, although there didn’t appear to be any affection in his eyes. There wasn’t any anger or disgust either, he simply looked at me with indifference. What is happening in that head of yours? I wondered.
I brought a finger to his cheek and gently touched it. I just wanted to wipe away the tears he could not shed. He looked at me, surprised. He took my hand with a slight smile on his face and kissed the palm. His soft, warm lips made the skin tingle.