Chapter 14: Regressed Heroine [4]
"Elena, I understand how you’re feeling right now. It’s natural that you’re reluctant to be engaged to someone like me, who’s as good as a stranger."
No.
"Ah. I-It’s not like that!"
If you truly know how I feel, don’t push me away.
I rushed to deny it, but my feelings couldn’t reach him.
There was still too much distance between us before my heart could reach him. I was also too inexperienced to overcome that distance and convey my true feelings. Even though I lived a long life, dating was still an unfamiliar territory for me.
I didn’t know of love in my first life. As soon as I learned of love in my second life, it slipped from my hands. Now in this third life, I strongly felt the power of love.
"You don’t have to force yourself to say that. It’s the same for me."
Why do I feel hurt when I already knew he would reject me?
I knew the answer to that question. It was because of love. I was hurting because I loved him.
Be that as it may, pain was pain. I knew why he was pushing me away, nevertheless, I still asked him the question.
"Um, do you mean to say you do not wish to be engaged to..."
"No, of course not. How could I hate my engagement with you? Marrying a lady like you is what all the men in the empire could dream of."
Hearing him say that made me feel happy again. I knew it was lip service, but love truly made a person quite emotional.
He continued.
"Rather than a happy marriage for myself, I want one where both me and my partner are happy. Please be honest, Elena Edelweiss. Are you in love with me right now?"
For a moment, I wondered if I should answer his question truthfully. However, he and I met for the first time today. I shut my mouth due to how little time we actually spent together in this life.
Fortunately, he did not immediately bring up the annulment. Instead, he was encouraging me to do so. My past selves from my first and second life would not have known his aim, but I for sure knew what he was going for.
Which is why this trick won’t work.
"I don’t believe marriages must be unhappy and must be between those who don’t love one another. My parents did, and other families have done the same, but unlike them, we can make our own decisions."
"What do you mean?"
"It’s very difficult to choose a stranger as a partner to be with for the rest of your life. No matter how popular political marriages are among nobles, the relationship between us is not like any other political arrangements. Unlike others who were forced into one by their families, you and I have the right to choose."
I could instinctively tell that the climax was coming. It didn’t take him long to tell me to make my own decision.
"No matter what you choose, I will respect it, Lady Edelweiss. Please don’t feel pressured and tell me what you think. This meeting may be for us to get to know each other before the engagement, but it is also for us to tell each other what we really think about our engagement."
I should be able to say it now.
This was all about the idea of engagement. He wouldn’t be able to tell whether my answer was derived from love or for financial gain. Regardless of what he said about love, I could decide from the options he presented, whether to cancel the engagement or to go through with it.
Of course, my answer had already been set and stone.
"Then shall we get engaged? Formally, I mean."
"Pardon?"
Hearing his restless voice left a hole in my heart.
’But you told me to choose, so I did. Just so you know, there’s no take-backs.’
Silence fell between us.
"...You truly mean that?" he finally asked, his voice quiet but threaded with tension.
"Yes." My answer came out steadier than I expected. "I believe an engagement is the first step to truly knowing each other. If we fear taking that step, how can we ever hope to discover anything beyond it?"
His eyes—those calm, composed eyes that rarely betrayed emotion—widened just enough for me to notice. He leaned back in his chair, exhaling slowly, as though weighing the gravity of my words.
"I thought," he murmured, half to himself, "that you would choose freedom over uncertainty."
A faint smile tugged at my lips. "Freedom is meaningless if it comes from running away."
He studied me with a look I could not fully decipher. There was admiration there, yes, but also a hesitation that brushed against the edges of fear.