"Hamburger... Cola..."
Uchiha Madara muttered to himself. He sniffed the food and discovered a scent unlike anything he had experienced—a burst of umami from advanced tech-based cooking that electrified the taste buds of this ascetic warrior who had known little pleasure in life.
Without hesitation, Madara took a bite.
In that instant, an explosion of flavor bloomed in his mouth. The aged shinobi who had walked the path of war all his life suddenly stepped into an entirely new world. For the first time, he realized there was more to life than battle—there was joy in food.
Such a thing… food… was truly magical.
And this wasn't just any food. The moment he bit into the burger, aside from its deliciousness, he felt some of his depleted vitality being restored. Not by much—but enough to notice. The body once described as "Boroboroda" was slowly recovering.
So, without pause, Madara devoured the burger bite after bite, completely unlike a man near death—his teeth sharp, his jaw strong.
Then he took a sip of the cola.
The carbonation made him frown at first, but the sweetness that followed had him relaxing, a look of delight spreading across his face.
The wonder of this soda—this so-called "fat otaku happiness water"—was something Madara had never imagined. And when the revitalizing effect kicked in, he felt a jolt of clarity. Even his eyes felt soothed, nourished by the drink.
Once he finished the meal, Madara leaned back and sighed in satisfaction, closing his eyes with a face full of lingering bliss.
Then he opened them and told the Zetsu clinging to him, Tobi, to detach.
Tobi complied immediately and asked with wide-eyed curiosity, "Madara-sama, are you okay now? Wow! It's incredible! You looked like you were dying, but now you're brimming with life again! Even more amazing than Hashirama's cells!"
Black Zetsu, noticing the same change, was equally stunned. "Wonderful, Madara-sama! This means your condition is improving! You no longer have to worry about running out of time!"
Most importantly, the Eye of the Moon Plan could now proceed smoothly, and the mother-saving plan wouldn't be stillborn.
Madara had no idea what Black Zetsu was plotting, but he had his own desires. "Black Zetsu," he said, "I need more of this food—especially that drink called 'cola.' It nourishes my Mangekyō Sharingan and restores lost energy."
The burger had restored some vitality, yes. But for a man like Madara, vitality wasn't the issue. His life was already sustained by Hashirama's cells, White Zetsu cells, and life-support systems.
The problem was spiritual exhaustion.
Using the Mangekyō Sharingan drained his mental strength daily. None of those other aids could replenish it.
That was why Madara's life was heading toward an inevitable end.
But this miraculous cola? It could.
While others might find its effects mild, it interacted uniquely with Madara's body. His advanced physiology—augmented by Hashirama's cells, life-support tech, and mastery over Yin-Yang Release post-Rinnegan evolution—had essentially returned him to his ancestral roots.
He was nearly identical to Indra Ōtsutsuki.
Indra's chakra, destined to eternally cycle with Asura's, could persist through reincarnation. As both Indra's reincarnation and a man who had nearly become him, Madara now found that the cola nourished not just his body—but his very chakra.
In the shinobi world, chakra is the fusion of spiritual and physical energy. It represents one's vitality.
Thus, with just one burger and one can of cola, Madara felt revitalized for the first time in years.
Black Zetsu understood immediately. He merged into the ground and dragged White Zetsu off to procure more of the precious drink.
Naturally, Black Zetsu didn't plan to do the dirty work himself. Near Konoha, he called on White Zetsu to infiltrate again and search for more food—especially cola. It was critical to Madara's recovery.
The White Zetsu group sprang into action, infiltrating the Uchiha clan compound to steal the food offerings Kei had provided to Uchiha Setsuna and Uchiha Masanobu. Kei had given them a large supply of system-produced food, stored in sealing scrolls for freshness.
Sealing scrolls were truly miraculous—a magical invention. The Uzumaki Clan, which had pioneered them, had indeed been a genius lineage in this field.
It was a shame they'd been wiped out. If not, Kei would've hired dozens of Uzumaki to work under him.
Kei, meanwhile, was creating a game while sighing over the Uzumaki's extinction. His mind drifted: how many children would he need to have with Kikyo to revive their bloodline?
Just then, he sensed something.
He exited the mental network, told the Uchiha guards to stand watch at a distance, and entered a secluded room. There, he tapped on a wall.
From it, eight White Zetsu emerged.
All but the one in front looked curiously at Kei. One asked the leader, "Is it true? Is it true? He can really let us taste poop?"
The leading White Zetsu nodded solemnly, face filled with fanatical devotion. "Yes. Lord Kei is a better leader than Black Zetsu or Madara-sama. As I told you, only Lord Kei understands us. Only he can give us what we truly desire."
"So we must swear our loyalty to Lord Kei. Only by serving him will we be granted the taste we seek—the flavor of poop and other unimaginable delights."
Hearing this, the rest of the White Zetsu nodded with fervent sincerity, gazing at Kei with devotion.
Kei's face twitched slightly. After all, being greeted with talk of poop's flavor was… difficult to stomach.
Still, he wasn't surprised. He'd seen it before. The leader here was the first White Zetsu he had tricked into defecting—a loyal follower Kei had named "Big White."
To earn Kei's rewards, Big White had gone out to recruit more White Zetsu, enticing them with promises of the "Large Intestine Taste Bud Technique." Since that day, Big White had brought ten waves totaling seventy-eight Zetsu to Kei. This was the eleventh.
The White Zetsu were surprisingly easy to fool. They believed Big White's words completely, since deception didn't exist between them.
And truthfully, Big White hadn't lied. Kei *had* used the Large Intestine Taste Bud Technique on them, letting them "taste the sweetness."
Big White received rewards as well.
After trying many flavors, Big White ultimately settled on poop as the best. Compared to sour, sweet, spicy, or gourmet foods, poop was what it loved most. It simply couldn't resist.
Kei no longer questioned it. He accepted that plant-based beings like White Zetsu had very different palates.
To them, feces was a delicacy—on par with dragon liver and phoenix marrow. Even if their expressions were twisted during the experience.
And they were. As Kei cast the technique, each Zetsu first grimaced, then squirmed uncomfortably, before finally showing a look of euphoric relief—as if they'd just cleared a lifelong case of constipation.
The scene always made Kei feel like he was hosting a cult drug trip. It was absurd.
Once indoctrinated, the new Zetsu became entirely loyal. They'd do anything for Kei—tear their hearts out if asked.
Given their zeal, they'd probably fight Madara and Black Zetsu without hesitation.
Not that Kei wanted them to. It would be a waste of resources. And if he weren't worried about exposure, he'd already have them running a Zetsu pyramid scheme.
For now, only Big White had permission to recruit. The ones it brought were kept far from Madara and Black Zetsu to avoid discovery.
Early on, many recruits had come from Zetsu assigned to watch over Konoha. But now that Madara was hiding beneath the Naka Shrine, things had grown more dangerous. Kei planned to send Big White farther afield for new recruits.
He didn't even need to say it. Big White, just returning from its blissful reverie, reported something critical:
"Oh right, Lord Kei, I have news. Madara-sama went to hide under the Uchiha's Naka Shrine two days ago. And just now, Black Zetsu gave orders to our Konoha-infiltrating Zetsu to steal the food and cola you gave the Uchiha clan."
The first intel was delayed—Big White had been away recruiting. But the second? It had just arrived as it returned with the newest batch.
Nearly all Zetsu in Konoha were now loyal to Kei. As long as Big White, their designated leader, remained nearby, all intel would flow to Kei immediately. ʀᴇᴀᴅ ʟᴀᴛᴇsᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs ᴀᴛ 𝗇𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗅✦𝖿𝗂𝗋𝖾✦𝗇𝖾𝗍
The others had been forbidden from contacting Kei directly. After all, with their quirks, letting any Zetsu show up unannounced would risk exposure.
Only Big White had that privilege.