Xia Xiao said, "You’re still in training, aren’t you? You should hurry back, I’ll be fine here by myself."
"I’m not going. I’ll stay with you," Gao Jiaxing shook his head and added, "Are you hungry? I’ll take you out to eat."
"I’m not hungry, but let’s go for a walk, or maybe we could help out in the kitchen."
Staying alone with Gao Jiaxing in the room, Xia Xiao always felt uneasy, as if even the air had tensed up, like something was fermenting between them.
Xia Xiao busied herself with her water bottle, pouring water into Gao Jiaxing’s, following her around. His tall frame was like a wall that she could bump into at any moment.
"Can’t you just sit still over there?" Xia Xiao glared at him, and that look turned Gao Jiaxing into mush.
"Xiaoxiao, I’ll be twenty-five next year," Gao Jiaxing said somberly.
"It’s not next year yet." Xia Xiao handed him the cup of water, "Drink up quickly."
"What about me don’t you trust?" Gao Jiaxing asked, feeling puzzled and unsure of what to do. He had watched many people date and then end up getting married.
His brother had a somewhat difficult time, but even he got married, and his little niece was already a few months old.
"There’s nothing I don’t trust, it’s just that we haven’t been dating for very long, we barely saw each other even once this year, talking about marriage now is too soon," Xia Xiao said.
Xia Xiao’s hand felt like it had been shocked with electricity, and she hurriedly said to Gao Jiaxing, "Let’s go outside to talk. Staying in the room all the time, people will gossip."
They weren’t married after all; even just dating, it wasn’t proper to stay alone in a room for too long.
Gao Jiaxing nodded, stood up, and reluctantly let go of Xia Xiao’s hand to walk out the door with her.
Xia Xiao said, "Brother Gao, what are your intentions toward me?"
Gao Jiaxing was about to speak when Xia Xiao continued, "I know you want to marry me and that you like me to some extent, but do you love me?"
Perhaps others would find Xia Xiao pretentious for asking this, but she genuinely wanted love. She knew that simple affection could also lead to marriage, to a lifetime together, but she still couldn’t help feeling somewhat unwilling.
Xia Xiao didn’t really understand love; she admitted she had a longing for it, she desired to be loved.
Gao Jiaxing was very good to her and quite fond of her, but did he truly love her in his heart? Would he later be attracted to another girl? Could his affection for her be merely temporary or because she was pretty and on good terms with Zheng Xianghong?
If marriage wasn’t on the table, Xia Xiao would have preferred to continue dating for a few more years before getting married.
But with Gao Jiaxing pressing for marriage, Xia Xiao couldn’t bring herself to agree to him right away, nor could she just nod in affirmation. It was no longer just about saying yes to his proposal and marrying him right away.
At twenty-one this year, turning twenty-two next year, Xia Xiao also planned to get married around the ages of twenty-two to twenty-four.
But there were still many unresolved issues between her and Gao Jiaxing, and she felt it would be too hasty to get married right now, not yet ready.
"Love? Isn’t what I’m showing you now love?" Gao Jiaxing looked at Xia Xiao, not quite understanding the love she spoke of. How was he to prove love?
"I have you in my heart, and only you," Gao Jiaxing placed his hand over his heart and said.
"Brother Gao, can we give each other a little more time? Right now, you are undergoing tough, high-pressure training in the military. Let’s talk about marriage after this period is over and things have calmed down a bit, okay?"
Xia Xiao didn’t want to force a deadlock right now; she truly wasn’t ready to agree.
"Okay." Gao Jiaxing nodded, also feeling that he had been too impatient.
He saw Xia Xiao infrequently because of his military duty. Moreover, with her beauty and pleasant personality, she had many admirers, which made Gao Jiaxing a bit insecure. He was always worried that one day Xia Xiao would write to break up with him, or tell him that she had fallen for someone else.
Therefore, until he married Xia Xiao, until she became his other half, Gao Jiaxing couldn’t feel at ease.
"Let’s head to the canteen and see," Xia Xiao said with a slight smile. "Brother Gao, you just focus on your training for now, don’t think too much about other things. I’m already dating you, I’m not the type to be fickle-hearted. And I’ve always been empathetic—you treat me well, and I’ll treat you well."
"I trust you, it’s just that I’m afraid if we spend too little time together, our feelings might fade, and you might start liking someone else." Gao Jiaxing truly lacked a sense of security with Xia Xiao.
Furthermore, Gao Jiaxing wasn’t the kind of person Xia Xiao initially liked, and he knew she had a preference for good-looking, culinary-skilled types, which he wasn’t. Facing Xia Xiao, Gao Jiaxing felt rather lacking in confidence.