The student visitor agreed with Nan Zhubin: "That day... during the consultation, it felt a bit like talking to a high school teacher."
While saying this, the visitor shrank their neck into their down jacket, then stretched it out again, giving Nan Zhubin an embarrassed smile.
Nan Zhubin understood clearly.
The consultants trained by the academy tend to have similar issues, generally falling into two extremes: Either they provide unconditional Positive Attention and empathy, rarely giving advice and seldom engaging in Confrontation; or they almost lack empathy, relying solely on methodology to give advice as a "directive" consultant.
The consultants trained locally by the academy and later employed in administrative roles there are mostly of the latter type, or they transform from the former to the latter.
Therefore, when encountering some types of visitors, there is a mismatch, leading to the current problem.
At this moment, Nan Zhubin could only respond to the visitor with a "this is quite embarrassing" smile.
Fortunately, Nan Zhubin cleverly turned the mess left by the previous consultant into a resource, building his own consultation relationship.
Since the consultation relationship has been established, the upcoming conversation could be more direct, even touch on some private topics without too much circumlocution.
Nan Zhubin nodded to himself. Now, he could officially start his own pace.
He said, "Could you tell me about your feelings after the last consultation?"
The visitor nodded, her face still carrying a trace of the smile from just now, born from feeling recognized.
But as she began to recall, her expression hardened, and the smile on her face quickly faded.
[Body curled, shoulders shrugged, neck retracted.]
"I listened to the teacher’s advice and started a new study plan, detailing my original memo more. I wanted to try each of the study methods the teacher taught me."
"But despite things piling up more and more, needing me to use time effectively, I, instead... feel increasingly unmotivated."
"I really, really want to study, but that sense of needing to exert myself only seems to reach my shoulders, arms, wrists, and never reaches my hands, never my fingertips."
When she spoke up to this point, the visitor stole a glance at Nan Zhubin. She knew that if any elder, teacher, or friend were here, they would either criticize her; or, if they were friends or classmates, they would mock her, even if with good intentions.
Nan Zhubin said, "Earlier, you mentioned that before your first consultation, you were quite anxious and depressed from exams and studies—is that still the case?"
He noted the visitor’s unusual expression and provided another moment of attention.
"Sorry, teacher... still alright."
"There’s nothing to apologize for, let’s continue—you mention those negative feelings and lack of motivation, but it sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. This pressure isn’t just about the academics, it’s also about ’I want to get better quickly’ kind of pressure."
Naturally, Nan Zhubin shifted the focus from realistic issues to the visitor’s emotional experiences.
He also utilized a suitable amount of [repetition] and [summarization], allowing the visitor to feel valued.
Indeed, the visitor’s reaction displayed positive feedback: "Yes, because after the last consultation, I didn’t feel particularly better. And I have no one to talk to around me because I feel it’s a bit... difficult to discuss consulting because of poor academic performance."
"So most of the time, I just stay alone, stay in the dormitory."
Most people seeking Psychological Consultation inherently assume, "There’s no one around who can help me with this issue, so I can only look for a Psychological Consultant."
That is to say, these visitors also tend to have social issues.
And social interaction is a critical component of the social support system, so consultants often recommend visitors talk more with friends—which then turns into a psychological joke: "I look for a consultant because I lack friends, yet the consultant tells me to go find friends."
The suggestion to "go find friends" itself isn’t wrong, just as a doctor advises "you should increase your body’s resistance later" when you’re sick.
But whether it’s "finding friends" or "boosting immunity," they are the [end points], whereas visitors and patients are at the [starting point]; figuring out how to build the [path] from start to end, they’re all clueless.
In this situation, it’s natural to develop a feeling of "I’m a joke, damn it."
A good consultant can construct the end point visitors need to reach and teach them how to build the path; they also assess if the visitor is suitable for this end point, and if not, they choose another path.
Returning to the topic, Nan Zhubin acutely perceived the visitor’s social issues from her narrative.
"So you’re saying you’re in a relatively lonely state, with no one to share your current difficulties with."
Seeing the visitor nod, Nan Zhubin slightly furrowed his brow.
"Are you currently living in the dorm at school?"
"How are your dorm relationships? Have you told them about your situation, or have they seen your general condition?"
Nan Zhubin used some [confrontation] to challenge the visitor’s description of her social life. In a first consultation, doubting the narrative could provoke resentment, but as Nan Zhubin unexpectedly created a good consultation relationship, he could be bolder.
The slight aggressiveness was because, given the visitor’s current situation, Nan Zhubin wanted to provide as much support as possible to prevent the visitor from falling into hopeless cognition errors.
If the visitor’s dorm relationships were good, he could pull her out of the self-recognition bias such as "I’m very lonely" or "I have no one to share with."
If the dorm relationships were not good, it wouldn’t worsen the visitor’s injury, and Nan Zhubin could gather a bit more information.
"I have a very good relationship with my roommates," the visitor said.
Nan Zhubin raised an eyebrow.
[A smile, though fleeting, was genuine and from the heart, indicating joy in friendship.]
[But quickly, she began to force a smile to cover the genuine one... why?]
"They’re very kind to me and nice people, but..."
The visitor’s smile began to turn wry: "Recently, they’ve also invited me to go shopping, I think they might have noticed something, but I—I don’t want to dampen everyone’s mood as they don’t understand my current state."
"I also don’t want them to understand, because I feel it’s not a good thing... letting them know feels like dragging them down."