I am three days old and I can already talk.
My mother turned her head at me.
She will be shocked. I know. I asked her to give that boobie to me after all.
But I forgot again...
"Coming right up." She was an idiot.
She didn't find it surprising at all.
"I was afraid you were angry at me since you didn't talk to me at all for two whole days." She said, coming towards me. She had some very wrong preconceptions about newborns.
"Sofia told me a baby begins talking after ten hours of their birth."
Mother, you should leave that goblin. She is an assassin hired to make you dumber. I am sure of it.
My mother fed me for twenty minutes this time as my goblin grandma told her to and then she went to do some other work.
She only cooks inside the hut and all the other things, like washing clothes or bathing, she does them outside the house.
Anyway, I have some more skills that I can use but most of them are only efficiently usable after I grow up.
There are only a few skills that I can use in this newborn state of mine.
Anyhow, I slept after drinking the milk but I woke up to some strange sounds happening inside the hut.
There is only one bed in this hut and both my father and mother sleep on it, while I stay in the middle of them.
I was afraid that the strange sounds were made by my parents so I didn't open my eyes in order to not spoil my childhood. But the sounds kept coming and I began to understand that my parents had nothing to do with these sounds.
So I opened my eyes and saw a black silhouette standing at the door of the hut.
The silhouette moved and it was searching around the hut. It looked under the bed, inside the only cupboard we have. Fresh chapters posted on Nov3lFɪre.ɴet
Now I was sure it was a thief. But what was a thief doing here? Can't he see this is a hut? Go to some mansion or something, man. Robbing this house is just practice for you. You won't find anything here. Heck, if I could I would have gotten up and searched with you for some money myself.
Nevertheless, we are already poor enough. I can't let anyone steal whatever less we have. But how should I stop this thief? I can cry but he might run away before anyone can catch him. I guess I have to use some of my skills.
But he is too far away for me to do something. He has to come closer. What to do? Just kidding. I know what to do. It's time to use a Skill.
[ Aphrodisiac Breath : The breath you exhale will make anyone come closer to you. ]
This one will help me here.
I exhaled a mouthful of breath and it would be enough. I don't want the whole neighborhood to barge in my house because of my breath.
The breath worked on the thief as he stopped searching inside the cupboard and walked towards me. I waited for him to reach just near my aim.
He now stood in front of me like an easy target.
But target for what? What do I want to do? Well, I have one more Skill.
Well, in short, what it does is...
I removed the makeshift diaper my grandma made for me and then I aimed my real life dildo at the thief.
Without waiting, I pissed at the thief.
And mind you, that was no normal piss, with the use of my skill...
Fuck the logic. My piss is acid.
It fell right on the thief and his body melted under my golden droplets.
That was my first kill in this World. I would have been called stupid among the Mcs if I hadn't killed anyone in the start.
The thief died and I finally stopped my water gun.
I wore the diaper again and drifted to sleep. No one would feel bad for the thief as he was just here to give me a chance to show my skill.
The next day. I woke up as usual.
My mother first noticed the pile of ashes near the bed and she panicked.
I was afraid she would get worried seeing death in her house. And she did get worried.
"Who brought so much dust in my house? I get tired of cleaning and you add more to my work."
Worried for some other reason, that is. She mistook ashes as just some other type of dirt and scolded my dad. I was afraid for nothing.
"I did nothing, dear. But I will clean it for you."
My father also didn't recognize the ashes and cleaned it with a broom. Welp, sorry, thief.
But I think my parents haven't seen too much of the world. Otherwise, no one is that stupid. I have to know their history and other things. But I can't do that right now. I am just a baby. As a baby, the only thing I can do right now is...
"I have decided a name for myself." I said.
"Oh. What is it?" My mother and father both asked. They don't consider me talking abnormal.
Anyway, I have to make the name clear first.
"I will be Racis T. Like it or not. I will only have this name."
"As you wish, my son. What does Racis mean though?" My father asked.
"I don't know. I am just a baby."
"Haha. Yes. How could you know."
My parents laughed, not knowing I already surpassed a normal three days old baby. It's good they are idiots. I don't want to explain the meaning of my name, mostly because it has no meaning at all. My last name was Tate and grandma had some funny thought to give Racis as my first name.
Anyway, that's enough childhood. I am also tired of this. Let's skip eighteen years and get to the average age of Mcs over the world.
Eighteen years later.
Now for a cliffhanger, well, I can't think of anything.
But don't you think, the real cliffhangers are the friends that we made along the way?
No? Fine. Take this then...
Now I am eighteen years old and right now...
I am on the stage for my first ever stand up show in this World.
But this time I won't use the same your mom joke. It has been overused. I mean, this joke has been used so many times and by so many people, just like...