Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman Chapter 144

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Henry wasn't looking for trouble. But trouble, apparently, had his number on speed dial.

He was crouched in the garden, pulling weeds, when one of Audrey's Jack Russells decided the soil needed redecorating. A flying spray of dirt hit Henry square in the face.

Audrey burst out laughing and—traitor that she was—made no effort to stop her dog.

Henry spat grit, wiping at his face, and considered how to phrase "dog stew" in French. Maybe tonight he could convince the two old lovebirds that some hearty, medicinal cuisine was just what they needed. Missing herbs? No problem—he'd fly out and fetch them himself.

His heat vision was already itching, aimed at one wagging rear end, when the housekeeper's voice rang out from inside.

"Henri! Telephone—for you!"

Henry blinked. For him? That never happened. Calls were always for Robert or Audrey.

"Who is it?" he asked.

The housekeeper shook her head. "I don't know. English. He kept saying 'Henry, Henry.' I couldn't understand more than that. You speak English—come quickly!"

Henry dusted himself off with a sigh. International language, his ass. Try speaking only English in Europe and see how far you got. But this wasn't the time for snark. Maybe it was just someone trying to book Audrey through her assistant. That happened plenty back in New York.

He gave Audrey a nod—she was still fussing with her plants—and jogged inside to the phone.

"Henry speaking," he said smoothly in English. "Who's calling?"

A woman's voice came over the line. Cool, precise. "This is Raven. You may know me as Mystique. X-Men."

Henry slammed the receiver down so fast it rattled. Not enough to break it, but close.

Audrey, stepping in from the garden and peeling off her gloves, looked at him curiously. "Who was it?"

The phone rang again immediately. Audrey arched a brow. Not buying it. Henry grimaced and picked up again.

Before the receiver touched his ear, a furious voice exploded down the line:

"Motherf— you alien piece of shit! Hang up on me again and I'll—"

Henry set the phone back in its cradle with deliberate calm. "Little… upset. Needs a moment to cool down."

Audrey crossed her arms. "Mm. And you think hanging up on them again is helping?"

Henry winced. Fair point. But before he could defend himself, the phone shrilled a third time.

Audrey gave him a "go on then" look, clearly enjoying the show.

Henry picked up, speaking first this time. "Take a breath. Speak calmly. Or I hang up again."

The woman's voice came back tight, shaking with barely contained rage. "I am very calm. So calm I'm not already on a flight to Switzerland to strangle you."

Henry pinched the bridge of his nose. "Listen, lady—I thought we agreed to never speak again. Clean break. That's healthy. You calling me at my boss's house? Not exactly helping."

Audrey, overhearing just enough, raised her brows and covered her mouth in sudden amusement. Judging by her expression, she'd decided this was a romantic entanglement. Wonderful. Exactly the impression Henry wanted.

"Clean break?" Mystique hissed. "You call wiping out the X-Men a misunderstanding? And you think that gets squared away?"

Henry sputtered. "Nobody died! I was gentle!"

Across the room, Audrey mouthed the words—I was gentle—like she was rehearsing them for a future tell-all. Then she gave him an Oscar-worthy smirk and vanished into the kitchen, humming under her breath.

Henry considered vaporizing the entire phone line just to end his humiliation.

"Enough," Mystique snapped. "If you want things even, you're going to prove it. Right now. I need you."

"Excuse me? Since when did we become 'call-me-anytime-I'll-drop-everything' friends? No. Absolutely not."

"I'm not asking." Her voice went sharp. "Do you really think I need to ask? You owe me. And if you refuse—well, you know the consequences."

That silenced him. Not because he agreed, but because he knew Mystique meant every word.

Finally he sighed. "Fine. Where?"

"We're airborne. Headed to—"

Henry slammed the phone down a third time, breathing easier just from cutting the connection.

Audrey reappeared, leaning in the doorway. "You're going out, aren't you?" Check latest chapters at 𝕟𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕝※𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕖※𝕟𝕖𝕥

Henry groaned. "Let's just say… someone made a mess, and they want me to clean it up. A colossal, mutant-sized pain in the ass."

"Shall I keep dinner warm for you?"

"Don't bother. No idea how late this is going to run."

"Need me to call a car?"

He shook his head. "Too slow. I'll… figure something out."

Audrey studied him for a long moment, then simply said, "Be careful, child."

Henry grabbed his jacket, muttering under his breath. "Yeah. Careful. Let's see if that stops the X-Men from being… the X-Men."

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