With a bland smile, Ren gently shook his head, "I am afraid, this is not possible." He put the document down on the table and fully focused on Hiruzen.
"Oh? And why is that?" The former Hokage asked with a small measure of surprise, leaning closer in interest. Something in the mirth contained in his old eyes mightily unsettled Ren.
Nevertheless, backing down was not an option. Ren reached out and put his arms around Ino and Hinata, pulling them closer, "Because I am already married." He lied to the old bastard with a straight face after mentally warning his girls to play along.
"Truly?" Hiruzen's smile dimmed a bit as his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Both of them?" He slyly asked, and Ren knew he might have fucked up right then and there, but choosing only one of his girls would make the other one sulky for weeks.
"Yes! Both of us!" Ino strongly insisted with narrowed eyes, glaring at Hiruzen, daring him to protest.
"During the month of preparation for the Chunin Exams finals." Hinata nodded in a much milder tone, but there was something dead and threatening in it despite its gentle sound.
Hiruzen slowly nodded with a complicated expression. That tone, he recognized it. Hiashi has used a similar one ever since his brother was given to Kumo to prevent a war. But just like back then, Hiruzen couldn't back down. For the sake of Konoha.
"Hm. Weird how I couldn't find any document suggesting such a thing anywhere in the village." He mused out loud, trying to call out their lie without directly saying it.
Fortunately, he had the presence of mind to actually check the trio's marital status before going along with his plans.
"That's because we married in the Capital. Not in Konoha." Ren swiftly interjected, "We can bring you the proof tomorrow if you need it?" He offered, stumping Hiruzen, whose lips slightly twitched in irritation.
A lesser ninja might not have noticed, but he saw the hidden surprise in the girls' eyes when Ren uttered his offer. Hiruzen knew the young man was speaking bullshit. But something in Ren's confident demeanor told him that calling him out on it would just result in him actually procuring said documents somehow. That would both waste time and solve nothing. It was not the path to achieving his goals.
Silence fell on the room as Ren watched Hiruzen silently, mulling over what he had heard, slowly tapping his finger on his knee in a pondering fashion, while Ino and Hinata both grasped at him with their hands and possessively tightened their hold. Their defiant looks aimed at Hiruzen could not be mistaken. Their line in the sand was obviously drawn, and the old man had come dangerously close to crossing it.
As for the actual proof of marriage? Ren naturally did not have such a thing! Naturally, they were not married.
Unfortunately for Hiruzen, neither he nor anybody in the village knew that Ren could teleport. He could go to the Capital right this hour after the meeting, find some easily bribed priest or official, and have them wed Ino and Hinata to him. Adjusting the date on the certificate would be just an issue of money or threats. And believe him, it would be hard for a normal human to refuse an expectant stare of three S-rank ninjas.
It wouldn't have been the wedding Ino and Hinata desired, but he had asked them through the telepathy seal, and they were both willing to go through with it. They could always have another, proper wedding later on. They agreed that dealing with the current crisis was more important.
"No." Hiruzen finally chuckled and leaned back on the backrest of the couch. "No need." He said with a small, satisfied smile, but before Ren could let out a sigh of relief, thinking the issue was over, Hiruzen decided to upend the proverbial game table with his next sentence. "I trust you. You already have two wives. Therefore, a third one should not be such a big problem."
Ren, Ino, and Hinata froze, completely stupefied. Because how were they supposed to refute that in a politically 'reasonable' fashion? Especially when Sarutobi was definitely insisting on being unreasonable?
Ren mentally scrambled for something to say, his anti-politically aligned mind failing him hard.
Hinata, however, found a small crack in Hiruzen's argument, and with an expressionless face, she spoke in a grave, reproachful tone. "I am afraid that would have been a grave insult to Sunagakure."
Ren took hold of her hand and squeezed it in gratitude. But just as Hinata was about to continue, Hiruzen decided to cut her off with his words.
"Leave that problem to me. I was aware of your relationship during the preliminary negotiations, so I made some allowances. The Sunagakure is aware that they might have to agree to some concessions regarding this." He calmly explained.
But it only stoked the flames of fury within Hinata. Her eyes narrowed in anger, and she took a deep breath, about to argue when Ino's voice in her mind stopped her in her tracks.
'The matter is already decided.' She concluded with a no small amount of distaste, waffing out of her mind while she keenly observed Hiruzen's mannerisms and expression. 'Hinata, arguing won't help us. We are led in the wrong direction in this discussion.'
'What do you mean?' Ren asked.
'I am sorry, Ren, but this is him informing us of the done deal. He is not here to negotiate with us. Everything in his body language suggests he is not willing to budge, no matter the argument. The villages had most likely already made an agreement.' Ino said, sounding nonchalant, but there was a hidden, barely restrained murderous simmer behind all that nonchalance.
This was definitely not something she expected to happen when she woke up today, and Ren was pretty sure Ino did not appreciate being put in front of the problem like this any more than he did. Yet, she held back for some reason. That in itself got Hinata to calm down, and even Ren mentally settled down, his focus sharpening as Ino continued.
'We should be asking him about the circumstances. What is Suna's goal? What does Konoha want from this agreement? Why you? Why not somebody more well-connected or influential? Why is Konoha willing to give one of its S-rank ninjas away? How will we be able to continue our relationship if this goes through and you go to Suna? Surely, we won't be allowed to go with you. That would be tantamount to giving three S-rank ninjas to Suna. What is the catch in all this? What is the aim of individual political parties in the village that had to sign off on this agreement?'
Pausing for a moment, Ino's dislike of the situation was palpable, but her words made sense. This was not a straightforward situation, and they knew woefully little about it.
'And maybe if we understand the circumstances, we could find a way to argue our way out of it. Konoha most definitely does not need to send you, Ren. You are not even an optimal choice. Yet, Sarutobi insists? Why? Something is fishy here. Trying to change Hiruzen's mind is futile. He clearly has a personal stake in the situation. The more time we waste on it instead of getting answers out of him, the better for him.' Ino concluded her observations.
Ren's shoulders slightly sagged. This... this had completely blindsided him in the worst way possible. Just this morning, his biggest problem was that his two girls were very horny and affectionate, keeping him up through most of the night.
It was such an amazing problem to have, too.
The hard and problematic part of his second life should have been over when Orochimaru and Kabuto died! It should have been smooth sailing from here on as he dismantled Akatsuki and prevented Kaguya's resurrection, dammit!
A political marriage with Temari? Why? He was nobody important, for Sage's sake, and he somehow doubted Temari fell in love with him in the short time they interacted with each other. Painting dicks on her forehead certainly did not make her swoon.
No. She did not pick him out. In fact, it probably wasn't even her choice. Her village needed an alliance, and sadly, as its princess, Temari was going to need to invitingly spread her legs for whatever dick the current leaders of her village picked.
But shouldn't Gaara prevent that? Then again, the boy no longer strived for the Kazekage hat...
Ren sighed. He realized that Ino was absolutely correct. He did not have enough information to do anything here. Reluctantly looking at Hiruzen, Ren frowned and decided it was time to pull some answers out of the old monkey.
"Why me?" He quietly asked, staring the old man directly in his eyes. "Why would Sunagakure or Konoha want me personally to marry the previous Kazekage's daughter, Sarutobi? I've done nothing special, nor do I have some sort of fabled bloodline or a lot of influence in the village. So, tell me, why me?"