"That child was supposed to be Fu Zi’s... sob, sob..." Yun Dame continued to cry. "That child should have been the root of our family, sob, sob..."
"Mother, don’t be , it’s not your fault, it’s just fate playing tricks on us." Seeing his mother cry until she could hardly catch her breath, An Fu quickly tried to console her, fearing something might happen to her.
But Yun Dame could not be consoled and kept crying endlessly, "It’s all my fault, I forced you to go to Mrs. Gong’s, I never thought Mrs. Gong would be barren... It’s my fault our family line is broken, it’s me... it’s me..."
An Hegui also felt a deep sense of guilt. He, like Yun Dame, believed it was his own fault.
If it weren’t for his and Yun Dame’s worries that Shi Xiaolan would not bear a son to continue the family line, they would never have pressured An Fu to remarry. There would not have been the subsequent divorce of Shi Xiaolan.
It was also his fault...
An Hegui didn’t express his guilt through endless tears like Yun Dame; he just sat in silence, but his old face was etched with self-reproach.
An Fu didn’t know how to comfort his parents either, his heart was indeed suffering. Suffering immensely.
He had divorced his wife and remarried, hoping for a son, but now, unfortunately, his new wife couldn’t bear children, while his divorced wife had given birth to a son for another man.
Seeing his parents still overcome with self-blame, An Fu could only try to comfort them as he had before, "Father, Mother, I will work hard to earn money and marry another, please try to let go a little for now."
But this time, Yun Dame was not at all consoled; she was deeply hurt by the news of Shi Xiaolan giving birth to a son.
Even more agitated and guilt-ridden, she cried, "You are lame, and the tofu business is not easy, how much money can you earn? Marry again? It’s good enough that you can barely provide for the family, how can you marry another? Your father and I are not just old, our health is failing, and we are incapable of working, just sitting at home waiting to be fed. Mrs. Gong is of no use as well, clumsy with neither hand nor foot, unable to do anything all day; just by seeing how the house grows poorer, you know you will have no money to marry again in the future, let alone extend our family line, sob, sob..."
Mrs. Gong sat in the yard, devoid of her former confidence, eyes empty, feeling particularly inferior. All because she could not bear children.
Hearing Yun Dame’s cries from inside the house, even though she heard everything clearly, Mrs. Gong said nothing and just continued to sit in the yard. After all, she could not bear children; she didn’t have the backbone to stand tall, no confidence to argue with Yun Dame, and even less to persuade An Fu not to remarry.
Yun Dame’s health was poor, and she cried incessantly and with such agitation that eventually, she failed to catch her breath and fainted.
When Yun Dame woke up again, she became depressed, immersing herself in self-blame and regret every day.
In less than a month, Yun Dame, who was already in poor health, couldn’t hold on any longer and passed away.
The day Yun Dame died was the tenth day of the twelfth lunar month.
An Jing originally didn’t know of Yun Dame’s death, but on that day, she happened to visit Shi Xiaolan to discuss her journey to the Capital in the coming spring. She didn’t expect that before she could bring up the matter, she learned from Shi Xiaolan that Yun Dame was gone.
After the two talked about Yun Dame for a while, Shi Xiaolan asked, "Why did you come over today? Is there something you need?"
"Mm, there is something, I wanted to talk to you. I received my transfer orders, I won’t be working at the Agricultural Institute in Qilin County anymore, I need to go to the Agricultural Institute in the Imperial Capital. I’ll probably have to leave... around the sixth day of the first lunar month next year."