Love is like a dream, all possibilities of your deepest desires are awakened at that moment, you found light because you believe you have been in the darkness, you found hope because you believe you’re helpless, you found security because you believe you have never been safe all your life, you found joy because you believe you have been sad all your life, and more you found your soul because you felt like a part of you was missing, you felt a bit of your soul lost and then when you finally found everything, you wake up.
My eyes were stilled on the black coffin as it was being laid into the ground.
My desires, my light, my hope, my security, my joy, my soul. It was all gone before my eyes, I have nothing... I have nothing to live for anymore, all I feel is this hollow, a dark empty feeling that consumes my insides, I should have stayed in that dream and never wake up.
"Sylvia," Mother said beside me, holding my arms tightly so that I wouldn’t fall. Danette was on my other side.
The priest said some words but it was all faint to me, everyone came in the honor of his death, the ambassadors and their wives, some high officials and of course the Emperor came himself, given the chance the entire Empire would have been present but Mother wanted less the crowd, everyone present was under the pouring rain, the clamorous thunder striking.
"Today we shall put to rest a great warrior, a powerful warlock and the hero of our Empire, may his soul rest in peace, for with him we are finally free from the North," the priest said.
I just watched as his coffin was laid to the ground deeper and deeper, my vision was foggy, the tears out of control fell like endless water. The priest continued his words, seeing all this the coffin that held my beloved name was too much, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, unable to contain the feeling I leisurely turned walking away.
I walked like I was lost in time, the umbrella no longer shielded me as the rain drenched me, but I didn’t care, I just walked like a zombie, my fist clenching my gown in a firm hold. The cemetery belonged to the Hartford house, the Castle was just around the corner.
My breath became unstable as well as my heart, I broke into another set of tears squatting as I clenched my chest tightly and wailed in both pain and tears, I screamed from the pain, the thunder striking swallowed it all like it was consuming my voice itself, I cried loudly, I felt broken I felt lost and I felt dead, all those feeling all at once was too much to handle and it was too much to contain.
Why? Why did it have to happen, why take him from me, why were the gods so cruel to take away my happiness, why? Why? I sobbed and cried to my heart content but it still wasn’t enough to fill the void in my heart.
"Why" I cried clenching my chest tightly, the pain was too much, it was just too much, all this was too much for me, why can’t I have the happiness I deserved, why can’t I be happy, it was like the universe was against me since the day I was born, I found love and they took it from me, I found my soulmate and took him away, they took my knight, they took my armor, they took my husband, they took my beloved, they took my heart.
I screamed in pain, all I could do was scream, and may the gods hear me and know just how much they took from me and know just how much they broke me, how much they have destroyed me, for they have left in nothing but darkness, forever.
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"Sylvia my child..." Mother began sobbing, locking my hands with hers. "We have to stay strong, we have lost a great deal, but it’s not the end, alright? As ladies we should remain strong" she adds, placing her hand on my stomach.
"They will be good news soon my dear, I believe it" she assured me with a smile against her lips, a tear slid down my cheeks, oh Mother.
"I will get a doctor, alright, maybe it’s because we haven’t actually checked" she reasoned.
I took her hand she placed on my stomach, holding it tightly, her gaze on me. I shook my head leisurely.
"I’m not Mother," I said in almost a whisper, she smiled.
"You will be Sylvia, do not worry, of course, you should, we may have lost but we should have hope this household will continue, Cedric would have wanted that, he would have wanted to you be happy, raise his heir and-"
"No mother" I cut her off, she was about to say something again. "There’s something you should know"
"Syl-"
"Cedric never made love to me, yes we were intimate but not the kind that would cause me to bear his child" I confessed.
The lingering smile on her lips leisurely faded. "W-What?"
"I can’t Mother... there’s no possible way I could be with child, we didn’t -"
"You mean to tell me... your wedding night all those times together he never made love to you?"
I nod. She gasped, holding her breath like she was having a panic attack.
"Mother," I said, taking her hand but she yanked it away.
"You lied to me Sylvia... Do you have any idea what you have done? Do you have any idea of the gravity of this?"
"Mother I -"
"No you do not!" she hissed in tears. "I lost my husband but I had Cedric. That was my joy and the only thing keeping me going... that was the hope for this house. Sylvia you have no joy or hope, you have nothing to hold on to, you have ended this family line, you have failed us".
My eyes trembled.
"Oh dear gods Sylvia, why?" she held her head.
"Mo-"
She raised her hand shunning me. "What’s done is done," she said, rising to her feet and walking out of my chambers.
"Mother!". The door slammed shut. I fell to my ground taking a heaving breath and then I broke into tears.
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