“Is this truly necessary?” asked Sen.
“It is,” answered General Mo Kegong.
Sen looked down at the snow on the ground. Much of it had been trampled into a brown, dirty slush around the army camp, but it remained largely pristine where he stood next to the general remained largely pristine. An odd sort of nervousness had taken hold of Sen. He tried to pinpoint the moment when that had started, but it was elusive. He only knew he hadn’t woken up feeling that way, and the vague, anxious feeling had arrived sometime in the intervening few hours. Sen wanted to make some excuses about how all of this wasn’t necessary, but he didn’t even bother voicing that lie.
Everyone from Jing to Grandmother Lu and Misty Peak had told him this was something he had to do at one point or another over the last couple of weeks. He even knew it was good advice. Something inside of him just rebelled at the idea. It felt like putting himself on display in some act of vanity. He did his best to ignore those thoughts and feelings. He’d done far more difficult things in front of more people. Raising his head, he nodded to General Mo.
“Very well. If I must do this, let’s get it done,” said Sen.
“Of course, Lord Lu,” said General Mo.
The old soldier started walking toward the tents with Sen trailing a few steps behind. The official reason for this visit to the camp was an inspection. That had sounded deeply suspicious to Sen, but the man assured him that inspections were a common and expected part of life in the army. He even went so far as to claim that the rank-and-file got nervous when there weren’t regular inspections. Sen had his doubts about how true that last part was, but kept that to himself. If it actually was true, objecting would just make him look like a fool for no appreciable gain. It was one thing to sacrifice some pride for a worthwhile goal. Sen was happy to do that if called on to do so. He wouldn’t do it for nothing, though.
The unofficial reason for the visit was some kind of an exercise in morale-building. Again, Sen had his doubts about how much seeing him would boost morale. However, his opinion had been the minority one. When the only people who encouraged it were from General Kang’s inner circle, Sen knew he must have gotten it wrong. Recalling that didn’t make him feel better, sadly. It did make him feel more confident that it was the right choice to go along. He decided that this was one of those things that he just didn’t have the right kind of experience to judge.
Once they entered the mostly neat rows of tents, Sen made a point to keep his head up and his expression calm. It was the expression that the general had advocated for. Calm officers rarely berated the men, usually reserving shouts for when people had done monumentally stupid things. As long as Sen maintained that calm expression, the men and occasional woman wouldn’t be on edge. He did take some solace in the knowledge that none of this had been announced. So, there shouldn’t be any ceremony to add to the discomfort.
Sen wasn’t sure if the raised voice was out of shock or some misguided attempt at courtesy. He glanced at General Mo. If the boy had acted improperly, there was no sign of it on Mo’s face.
“Spearman,” said the general.
It took an excruciatingly long time for the guard to turn his attention to Sen. There was no light of recognition, just a haze of confusion. It was like the boy couldn’t figure out why this stranger was standing there.
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“What’s your name?” Sen asked.
The guard gave the general a desperate, questioning look, clearly seeking guidance about how to respond to this huge man asking questions. Mo gave the boy an encouraging nod. A tiny bit of confidence bled back into the guard’s expression.
“This one is Chin Gui,” said the boy.
He paused, seemed to think very hard, and then bowed to Sen.
“It’s nice to meet you, Chin Gui,” said Sen, nodding in return. “This one is Lu Sen.”
There was, once more, no flicker of recognition. Sen was momentarily shocked. Then, he wasn’t sure whether to laugh at his own pride or be terribly concerned about the boy’s mind.
“It’s nice to meet you,” said the boy, although it sounded more like a question than a statement.
“Have you been in the army long?” asked Sen.
“No,” said Chin Gui, shaking his head back and forth. “I just joined. A month ago? Maybe two?”
“I see,” said Sen. “Why did you do that?”
For the very first time, there was a spark of life in the boy’s eyes.
“I joined so I could fight those spirit beasts with the Warstorm!”
There was a soft wrenching inside of Sen. He ignored it because there was nothing else to do. He thought that there was a sick sort of irony to all of this. He had hoped that people would volunteer to join. However, his plan was for those recent volunteers to stay in the city, to train, and serve as a standing defense for the capital. He had not wished to bring them along to fight. Especially not anyone this young. At the same time, he wasn’t sure he could or should forbid anyone from volunteering to come along and fight. It was something he’d have to discuss with General Mo in private.
“That’s very brave of you,” said Sen, uncertain what else he could say to that proclamation.
The boy puffed up with pride and shouted, “Thank you!”
With that, the general started to lead Sen into the camp. Chin Gui shouted after them.
The general shot the boy a sharp look that made the guard wilt. Sen didn’t want to undermine the general, but he thought it was a fair question.
Once they were out of earshot, Sen turned a hard look on the General.
Mo raised a hand and, in a very weary voice, said, “I know.”
“Why is that child in the army?” demanded Sen.
He was shoveling his own guilt onto the general in the form of quiet anger. He knew he was doing it, knew it was unfair, and couldn’t figure out how to stop. Mo shot Sen an angry look of his own.
“He’s not a child. He might look like one, but he isn’t. You have to be sixteen to join the army. More importantly, do you really believe that there are any children left in the capital?”
Sen felt like he’d taken a hard blow to the stomach at those words. He knew better than anyone how deprivation and fear ripped all of the child out of childhood. There had been plenty of both in the capital recently. He’d seen those children who weren’t children around the city. They looked at the world with eyes far too hard and absent the joy they should contain. Sen made a conscious effort to push his anger down.
“I apologize, General Mo. I know that this isn’t your fault. I just don’t savor the prospect of seeing that boy torn apart by spirit beasts. I’m also not sure he possesses the ability to understand what he’s volunteered to do.”
“No one ever does,” said the general. “I didn’t, and I come from a long line of soldiers. You’ve taken lives. Could anyone have said or done anything that truly prepared you for that?”
“It’s different for cultivators,” said Sen in an obvious attempt to avoid answering.
“It is, and it isn’t. In answer to your question, no. Nothing could have prepared me for it.”
The general nodded as though that was what he’d expected.
“I’m curious. How is it different?”
Sen tried to think of a way to explain it that didn’t make cultivators sound exactly as ruthless and selfish as they really were.
“The Jianghu,” said Sen. “Every cultivator is part of the Jianghu, and they know it if they have even a half-competent master. It’s a different world with different expectations. We’re told that we must kill. It cannot be avoided and, in some cases, it will even advance our cultivation. We spend years mentally preparing for that moment. Hardening our hearts to the idea. We all want to survive, to advance, and to ascend. We also know that the challenges will never stop. You learn that if you’re not willing to kill, you’re not really willing to be a cultivator.”
The general frowned and finally said, “If that’s the truth, why do you sound so bitter about it?
“Because I didn’t listen. I thought I’d be different. I don’t think I’d make different choices given the chance, but I would have suffered less if I’d accepted that truth sooner.”
Sen started to say more, but he saw more soldiers nearby. He forced his face back into the calm mask.
“Well, General,” said Sen, “let the inspection begin.”